Behind the Mask
by emackenzie
Summary: Jude's making a name for herself in London, but what happens when the life she left in Toronto catches up with her, forcing her to return home and tend to unfinished business.
1. The Nightmare

Alright, I don't like to post until I've got a good chunk of the story line worked out. But I would really use some feedback on this, because I've been working it over for a few weeks, and its proving harder to write than my last two. So I would really appreciate anything really. I know it will be hard to see where I'm going with the story from the first part alone, but the hook of the story is always within the first few lines, it'll hook you or bore you.

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><p><em>She could feel the weight of the chain around her ankle, holding her in place. The taste in her mouth was rancid, worse than anything she could remember. It made her stomach turn. It took her a moment to make out the face, the unfocused eyes staring back at her.<em>

_"Here drink this." She handed her a cup._

_Jude looked around the room, her basement walls covered in blankets, but the thing that caught her eye was the silver gleam of the hammer in Megan's hand. Just as quickly as she saw the hammer it was replaced with the staple gun. She could feel her heart pounding with every flash of anger._

Jude Harrison woke up with a scream. The only thing she could hear were the sound of her own heavy breaths. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dark room, to take in the surroundings. She wasn't sure where she was at first, but as her vision became clearer, she could make out the walls of her London bedroom. She was safe in her flat, an ocean between separated the two. But she knew that her heart wouldn't stop until the light was on.

Her whole roomed a soft yellow. She could see the boxes still stacked Sadie had sent from Toronto. She could still feel her heart pounding as her feet touched the cold ground. She walked down the short hallway, past her kitchen and living room, straight to the door. She had to double check each lock, ensuring her door was closed tight. She looked at the security systems and nodded at the green flashing light, signaling it was on.

She knew that she was safe in London, she had been there for fourteen weeks, five days, and as she glanced at the clock, 15 hours. It wasn't that she was counting the time, since she had left Toronto, she was counting down to the day she had to return. She could see it circled in red on her calendar that laid on her desk, scattered with papers, sheets of music, and notes she had scribbled, reminders.

She went back to her bedroom, and crawled in the middle of her bed, reaching for her phone sitting the night stand. There was only one voice she wanted to hear now, and she watched as his number appeared on the screen, the soft ringing filled the other line.

"Jude?" she could already hear the panic and concern in his voice, it had been there since the day she had left her home, left Toronto. She suddenly wondered if she had woken him, feeling guilty she looked for a clock, trying to do the math in her head. How far ahead was it there? She couldn't remember the time difference. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." She lied, and she knew he would be able to tell, but it was easier to say things were fine, than to say she was falling apart. "I'm sorry dad, did I wake you?"

She could hear him smile, followed by a soft chuckle. "It's mid afternoon here Jude, I'm more worried about why you're awake."

Right, she remembered, nine hours, Sydney was nine hours ahead. She could picture the post it she had written it on, buried in a pile of other reminders. "Just nerves." She sighed.

"You know all you have to do is say the word, and I'll be on the next flight home." Stuart Harrison reassured his daughter.

Jude remembered the conversation they had a week ago over a video conference at Burmanzie Records.

_The office was bright despite the rain she could hear falling outside. The room was filled with people, everyone disusing what to do about Jude returning to Toronto, returning of Megan's court date. They had received the phone call a week prior, reminding them all of the date, the date Jude would have rather forgotten._

_"I don't want her traveling alone," Stuart said from the computer screen. Jude couldn't help but smile at her father, he had insisted that he be present, even if it meant video conference._

_"I think we all can agree with you on that Mr. Harrison, no one wants to see her return alone." Nicola Dumar spoke from her chair. _

_"There are plenty of people that can protect me there, I can hire Big Lou, I'm sure he'd be more than willing." Jude pleaded, slouched down in the chair. She didn't like the idea of having a body guard following her around._

_"I don't like the idea of these two going alone." Stuart pointed to the silent girl sitting next to Jude. "She's no bigger than Jude."_

_Jude looked over at her assistant. "Dad, we're going to be fine."_

_"I can come home, just say the word." Stuart said._

_"Honestly sir, there are a lot of people there, and I will make sure I stick by Jude's side the whole time. Safety in numbers, right?" Gwen asked, Jude nodded in agreement. She didn't want to make this into any bigger of a deal than it already was._

"We're going to be fine." Jude nodded. "And Nicola is right, the press is going to be all over me as it is, and being trailed by a team of body guards would only make it worse."

She could still hear in the uncertainty in his voice, and she knew he could hear it in hers as well. "Have you packed yet? You shouldn't wait until a few hours before you leave, I know you're going to."

Jude smiled and looked at the empty suitcase sitting on her floor. She had started to pack before she had gone to bed, but it was too much for her to think about, going back, facing Megan. "I've been working on it."

"And your passport, did you find it?" he wondered. He knew it daughter better than anyone else, and he knew how scatter brained she could be.

"Actually I have it." Jude laughed. "You shouldn't underestimate me."

"I would never dream of doing such a thing." He laughed as well.

Jude could feel the conversation coming to an end, she had needed to hear him, to help put her mind at ease, and that is what he had done. "Thanks dad."

"Anytime kiddo."

"I'll call you when I land in Toronto." Jude said. It was easy to say she was going back to Toronto, but it was harder to think about. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said before they both hit their end buttons.

Jude stared at the empty suitcase. She hadn't even finished unpacking her things yet, and she was already getting ready to return home. She knew that it wasn't going to be forever. She just need to get through the hearing, then she could return to her new life in London.


	2. Every Girl Loves Shoes

Thank you guys for the reviews, I'm still having a hard time working this story out, so I'm sorry its taken me awhile to update, but since its a long weekend, I thought I would post again. It's a little boring, but its a look into the life that Jude has in London. And as for the question on if this will be a Jude/Tommy story, I just don't know yet. It's hard to tell what's going to happen because I've only got parts of it written, and I don't really know where I want to take it yet. So I guess we'll have to see, because I honestly have no idea.

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><p>Jude could hear her alarm going off, and it made her heart stop, sitting up in bed quickly, she glanced around, the room was still the same, but this time it was morning, and filled with soft sun light. She could see down the hallway, directly to the door, and she felt the sense of relief wash over her when she saw Gwen's back. She could smell the coffee, before the girl turned around.<p>

"Sorry, I had to put the coffee down before I could enter the code." The girl smiled at Jude. "I hope you've been up for awhile." Jude knew that she was being sarcastic. She ran her fingers though her messy tangled hair, making it lay flat.

Jude inhaled the sweet smell of the coffee, before turning her attention to Gwen. "Up?" she asked, looking down at the purple luggage that sat at her feet. They had to leave for the airport, and she hadn't even started packing yet. Crap, she thought to herself, she was really prolonging this.

"Which is why I'm here." Gwen was able to read Jude's face. "You go shower, I'll finish packing for you. We've got about two hours before the diver is here for us." She smiled, heading down the hall.

Jude watched the girl. Other than Nicola, Gwen was the first person she meet in London, she had meet her at the airport. At first she didn't understand why she would need an assistant, she had never had the need for one in Toronto, but she learned quickly how different things were in London, and with her new album topping the charts, she was glad to have someone around to keep her from losing her mind.

My ReTurn had blown up more than any of them thought that it would, and Jude knew a great deal of that was because of what had happened back in Toronto, what Megan had done. Everyone wanted to hear the basement song, and oddly enough Jude was excited to share it with the world. She had been sure that she didn't want to share it, that she would want to forget the song, but her album didn't seem complete without it. And with the way things had ended in Toronto, with Tommy, it seemed even more fitting.

"Are you going to want heels?" Gwen asked from somewhere in Jude's room, and it seemed to bring her back to reality. They needed to go back, back to Toronto, back to Tommy.

"Uhh…" she stumbled walking down the hallway. "Yeah, whatever I don't have, I can borrow from my sister." She sighed, tossing a few clothes from open boxes onto the bed. "There is this green sweater, will you make sure it gets packed?"

"Already in there." Gwen laughed. "Go and shower, I've got this covered."

Jude nodded and headed for the bathroom. The tile was cold on her bare feet. Even though the closed door she could hear Gwen muttering to herself. The sound of the water drowned her out, but it didn't drowned out the thoughts running through Jude's head. She wasn't looking forward to going back, to reliving what Megan did, seeing everything that she had left behind.

The water was able to smooth her muscles, but not her mind. The aching feeling that this was going to be a mistake was this there. As she looked in the mirror drying her hair with a towel she could remember the girl she had been when she arrived in London. She was a messy, emotionally. She had spent most nights crying and wondering around like a lost puppy. She hide her pain from everyone else, but she could feel herself losing her grip on reality, just like before, when Tommy had broken up with her, sending her back to Toronto alone, she started to lose herself. But she hadn't let her pain being all consuming. She had chosen to leave him behind, marriage wasn't where her head was. And all she could do now was hope that he understood that.

"I called and confirmed with your sister, she's going to meet us at the airport." Gwen called from the other room. "And she wanted me to tell you, SME has set up 620 for you. What is 620?" Jude could see her in the doorway, clothes in hand.

"It's my old rehearsal space, I signed my lease over to Speid when I moved." Jude explained. She knew that it wouldn't be right having someone else being in their space, and SME would take care of it, they loved it just as much as she did.

"Right, get changed, we've only got a short amount of time left." Gwen nodded, handing Jude the clothes. "I'll tidy up a bit, make you something to eat."

"There's no food in the house." Jude shouted, she could hear Gwen's footsteps on the hard wood floors on the hallway, her heels stopping at her announcement. "I'll grab something at the airport." She sighed looking at the clothes Gwen had handed her. The dark skinny jeans were her new favorite pair of pants, and the white button up shirt was one that Jude knew belonged to Sadie, but had still brought it to London with her. It was her way of keeping her sister with her, and Jude knew Sadie wouldn't miss the shirt. She dressed quickly, only stopping long enough to run some conditioner through her hair, knowing she didn't have time to blow dry it.

"I put your black Jimmy Choo's by the door." Gwen shouted. "Or do you want to wear the DKNY one's with the little bows?"

Living in Toronto Jude never worried about how she dressed, fashion was always Sadie's area, and she hadn't wanted to step over that line, taking it from her sister. But now, here, she knew she had gone overboard with the clothes and shoes. It was like being a kid in a candy shop.

"Leave the Jimmy Choo's, Sadie would kill me for them." Jude shouted back, pushing her hair back to do her make-up. "But make sure you packed the Chloe flats I bought that week, the blue suede ones."

"Sure thing Elvis." Gwen laughed. "I put in the Marc Jacobs ones too, and those Valentino boots I would kill for."

"I'm only going for a few days, I don't need to take my whole shoe collection." Jude laughed, looking out the door. The only thing in her boxed up room that was unpacked where here shoes, most of which she had bought, or been given since arriving in London. She was amazed at how many stores would just give her things for being pictures in their establishment. She knew she couldn't complain, but it did amaze her.

"I packed the cream Gucci dress for the trail, but everything else is casual, are you going to need anything more dressy?" she wondered.

"J Brand jeans, and whatever tops to throw in should be fine." Jude smiled at her. She was so thankful that someone else was doing her packing.

"I don't understand why you love this brand so much." Jude could see Gwen hold up a pair of her jeans, ones that looked almost identical to the pair she had on now.

"All I need, if the perfect shoes, a great pair of jeans, and coffee." Jude laughed. She had been given the jeans to wear in an interview, and since then she had found it hard to take them off. They hugged her perfectly, they weren't so lose raise that she felt like they would show her but every time she bent over. Good jeans were hard to find.

Both girls turned towards the door when they heard the buzzer from the intercom.

"Miss Harrison, your car is here." The door's voice filled the room.

"I thought you said two hours." Jude said turning to look at Gwen as she zipped up the second luggage. Jude quickly grabbed the make out laid out o the table, and switched it into a smaller bag.

"You were in the shower for almost an hour Jude, where's your head at?" Gwen asked, coming in to help her collect random things from around the bathroom. "Find your passport." She rushed, picking up the things Jude had dropped on the ground.

Jude hurried from the bathroom, pressing the button for the intercom, "We'll be right down, can someone come up us with our bags?" she asked.

"Of course Miss Harrison." A voice replied, and Jude struggled to get her feet into the heels waiting for her.

"Passport." She whispered to herself looking around the living room. She went towards the next, nearly falling with her foot still not in the hell all the way. "If I was my passport where would I be?" she asked herself, moving papers around.

"Night stand." She heard Gwen shouted from the bathroom. "I've got it." She was pulling Jude's two bags down the hallway, with her passport in her mouth.

"Thank you." Jude said taking it from her. "Phone, key's, purse, charger, I've think I've got it all." She said point at everything she needed. "What about you?"

"I've been packed for a week." Gwen smiled. Jude knew that Gwen was very organized, and that was why she made such a good assistant for her, because organization and Jude didn't get along at all. Gwen opened the door when they heard the soft knock, someone had come to help them with their bags.

"You only have one Miss Gwen?" the door man asked, loading Jude's onto the cart.

"Light packer." Gwen nodded, making sure she locked Jude's door before closing it.

"I use to be a light packer." Jude laughed. When she had left for London, she had only brought one bag with her, and she knew she wouldn't have time to wear half of the things she was bring with her, but still, she couldn't bare not bring them with her.

"I wouldn't worry about it Jude, you're always going to have a lot of baggage." Gwen teased.

"You ladies enjoy your trip." The doorman said, loading their things into the car. "Travel safe."

Safe? Jud wasn't sure if she was going to be safe going back to Toronto, going back to face Megan, to face Tommy. Whoever said you could always go home again, hadn't been Jude Harrison.


	3. Airplanes In The Morning Sky

The plane ride had been painless, and short. British Airways had direct flights going into Toronto, and it only took a matter of eight hours to fly over the ocean. The time had been long enough to Jude to fall asleep in her chair, completely laid back, and softly snoring. She had been too restless to sleep the night before, and she was glad to have gotten a few more hours in on the plane.

Gwen had sat next to her, her eyes focused on nothing but her Kindle. When they had first boarded the plane, she had told Jude that she planned on getting a lot of reading done on their trip, and Jude was amazed to see how serious she was. But now, Gwen gently shook Jude's arm, trying to wake her up. She could see land outside of their window, and had been told that they would be descending in a few moments. When the seatbelt sign came on, she when it was time of Jude to put her seat back up.

"No." Jude moaned, rolling away from her.

"You're the one that's going to look like crap stepping off this flight then." Gwen whispered. "And to think, those poor heels could be put through so much shame." She knew that would make Jude sit up right.

"My heels?" she asked, looking down at her feet, the black DKNY shoes were still perfect. She groaned, stretching her arms above her head. "No one looks good after flying." Jude muttered.

"I look the same as when I got on the plane." Gwen laughed, and she was right, the girl didn't have a single smudge on her black lined eyes, and her hair sat in the perfect bun it had been in hours ago when she first arrived in Jude's flat.

"You've got like super powers though." Jude sighed. Glancing again out the window, taking in the familiar sight of the Toronto sky line. Jude couldn't recall a time that Gwen hadn't looked perfectly put together.

"Are you getting nervous?" Gwen asked slowly.

"Why would I be nervous?" Jude when what she was asking, but she felt it was better to play dumb, to act as though she had nothing to worry about. She yawned loudly, stretching her legs out this time. "I'm excited to see my sister."

"The trail, Jude." Gwen sighed. "It's not like you go through one of these all the time, hopefully never again."

"I honestly don't see why I have to come." Jude told her. "I gave my statements, what more do they want from me?"

"You have to go, because you need some peace of mind. You need to know that she's not going to be able to go crazy on anyone else." Gwen sounded a lot like Nicola when she spoke. When Jude had first meet her, she was sure the two were related, this looks were so similar, and so were their mannerisms. Like Nicola, Gwen had long legs, and wavy long brown hair, she was slender, and Jude was sure the two woman had the same colored eyes. But the moment Jude heard Gwen speak faster than normal, she was able to pick up on an accent that Jude was sure wasn't British. She had never asked Gwen, because it never seemed appropriate.

"Okay, okay." Jude fluttered her hand at the girl, searching through her purse. She pulled out the compact mirror that had lived in her purse for years to checked her makeup and hair. Jude hadn't' become vain or shallow, but it was hard not to worry about how she looked when she knew the girl next to her looked amazing. Gwen was simple looking, she wasn't overly gorgeous, but Jude had learned over time, that her kind heart was what made Jude see her as being pretty.

"Want to know my secret?" Gwen let out a satisfied sighed, sitting back in her seat.

Jude turned her head slightly to look at the girl.

"I reapplied my make-up twenty minutes ago in the bathroom." She smirked.

Jude threw the mirror at her, laughing. It was so easy to have Gwen around, she was like the girlfriend Jude had wanted after her and Kat ended their friendship. She was the type of girl she had been looking for with Megan, but she knew that Gwen wasn't crazy, she had her background check to prove it. Jude also knew it helped that Gwen worked for her.

"And the hair?" Jude wondered. She knew that if she had tried to put her hair into a bun eight hours ago, it would now be a mess. But Gwen's still sat perfect, twisted and tucked just as though she had just finished going it.

"42 pens, and 4 bands." The girl laughed again. "Plus I wear my hair like this all day, its use to it."

"It might be, but I'm amazed at how perfect it still looks." Jude rolled her eyes, fixing her eye liner.

"You look more natural, more like you." Gwen reassured her.

Jude was grateful that Gwen was coming with her, she wasn't sure that she would have even been able to make it to the airport with her. Even though Jude had a lot of support from her friends and family at home in Toronto, and support from her new label in London, the support she got from Gwen was different, it was like the support she got from her sister.


	4. The News

"Wait-wait-wait." Jude stammered, pushing Sadie back, so she could look at Tommy and process what he had said. "She's out, like free out?"

Tommy nodded his head, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"We didn't want to tell you until you got here, we didn't want you to sorry." Sadie told her sister, one arm still around her shoulders.

Jude turned and stared at Gwen for a second, her mouth hanging open a little, but Gwen didn't seem fazed at all. She looked like her normal, cool, calm, collected self. "How is this possible?" she whispered, turning back to Tommy.

Just a few minutes ago, Jude had been fighting the nerves in her stomach when she saw Tommy standing on the other side of the security gate. She hadn't expected to see him, at all in fact. She had made it clear to Sadie she didn't want any Tommy contact while she was in Toronto. But the closer she got, the more nervous she became. She could see the worry on both Sadie and Tommy's faces, and she knew something was going on when she saw Big Lou standing close to them as well.

"She's been in some mental health program at one of the hospital's, but the doctors and the court thought it would be best to release her into the custody of her parents." Tommy explained.

"It happened a few weeks ago, but they have been keeping any eye on her, she has to check in daily I guess." Sadie told her what she knew. It was hard for her to keep a secret like that from her sister.

"The moment you boarded that plane, I called over to that A and R woman, Nicola, I explained to her what was happening, but she seemed un-phase. So we talked to Darius, and got Big Lou." Tommy said, pointing over his shoulder.

"Nicola would be worried about my safety, about our safety." Jude said turning and looking back at Gwen, still as though she didn't understand. And Gwen was now searching through her phone, still seeming rather calm.

"It's best if we don't stand here, Jude tends to draw a crowd." Big Lou said stepping forward, breaking into the circle the group seemed to form. And he was right, there were people that were starting to watch them, and Jude knew he was looking out for her safety.

"Right, luggage claim." Sadie said, spinning on her heel, only stopping when she looked at her own sister's shoes. "Are those-?" she couldn't' finish, her jaw had dropped, and if Jude didn't know any better she would have thought that Sadie wasn't to drop to the floor to get a closer look.

"Bow tie, heels?" Jude asked, turning her foot slowly. "DKNY's new spring line." She couldn't help but laugh, knowing that her sister would want those shoes as well.

"Jude left her manners back in London, I'm Gwen." Gwen said rolling her hands and putting her hand out for Tommy.

"Tom Quincy." Tommy replied shaking her hand, with a small smirk on his lips when he looked at Jude.

"I didn't forget anything." Jude said, falling into step with Gwen as the group continued to make their way.

"It's just hard to think about proper etiquette when Little Tommy Q is standing in front of you." Gwen whispered back, glancing over her shoulder at the man.

"Nicola was un-phased by the fact that the crazy girl that locked me in my basement and tried to drug my sister, is just running around free?" Jude was having a hard time believing it. Nicola had been nothing but concerned about her safety when they spoke of going back. "Is there something I don't know?"

"Jude, there are a lot of things you don't know." Gwen replied, it was easy to see that she was trying to lighten Jude's tension. "Trust me, everything is going to be fine, I told you, safety in numbers. I'll be sticking you like glue until this whole thing is over."

Jude nodded her head, and the group stood watching the conveyer belt, as the baggage from the plane slowly started to appear. Jude step forward to grab one of her bags, but to her surprise Tommy was already retrieving it. She hadn't had the time to think about why he was there, but she knew it was about her safety. She would over think him later.

"Thanks." She nodded at him.

"Not a problem." He smiled back.

"Mine," Gwen said stepping forward, Tommy tried to help her as well, but Gwen gave him a simple stern look before grabbing her own bag.

"Your friend is…" Sadie seemed lost for words.

"Amazing, independent?" Jude offered with a laugh, watching while Tommy grabbed her other bag. "That's all, Gwen is a light packer."

"Then let's get you home, Jamie will be so mad if we don't go straight over to NBR." Sadie said, leading the group towards the doors, and that was when Jude saw the first flash of a camera.

"Wait!" she said stopping in mid stride, making Tommy run into the back of her. If she hadn't been so concerned about what was waiting outside the airport, she knew she could have focused more on the fact that his hand was on her hip, steadying them both from falling.

"The press." Gwen nodded, looking back at Big Lou.

"You and Lou walk out a few doors down, then it will just look like Tommy and Sadie came to pick me up." Jude said looking at Gwen, then back out the frosted windows. It was hard to make out what was really waiting for them, but she didn't want to take any chances. Nicola had told her that showing up with a team of body guards could only make her look weak, and Jude wasn't weak.

"Someone must have seen them all walk in here together." Gwen said shaking her head no. "Tommy will have to go out with him." Jude could tell that Gwen was being serious when she said she wasn't going to leave her side.

"You can't go in an airport, and come back empty handed." Tommy pointed back.

"Jude and I will go out there. You three will go out down there." Sadie said grabbing her sisters hand, and pulling her towards the door.

"Jude." Gwen said in protest.

"It's fine, it's only going to take ten minutes to get to the parking lot." Jude said nodding her head. She could see the worry on her friends face, and the uncertainly on all the others. "I'm a normal girl, remember." Her comment was meant more of Tommy than the others, because she knew it would make him smile, and it did.

Jude gave one last smile, before the others started to walk down, to a farther door. She could see Gwen glancing over her shoulder every few steps, still looking worried. Jude couldn't help but laugh, she looked as though she was ready to turn and run back to Jude, scared of what was going to happen being with Tommy and Big Lou. She knew out of the two of them, Gwen was the safest at the moment. But she couldn't think about that. Instead she linked arms with her sister, gave her hair one quick puff, and stepped outside of the safety of the airport and into the madness that was waiting for her.


	5. No More Heels

Calling the Canadian reporters intrusive was an understatement. Jude hadn't felt this overwhelmed since she had gone crazy with her Tommy love, and accidentally ran over one man's foot. The number of reporters seemed to have doubled, if not tripled, making Jude wish that she had gone with Big Lou instead. It was hard to look in all the directions her name was being called, and she could feel Sadie stiffen, the farther into the madness they went.

Both Harrison sisters were thankful for the security guards that helped guide them through the people, and flashes, and into the parking garage were everyone else was help back. But the shadows of the stacked parking lot didn't make them feel any more comfortable than the camera flashes did. The clacking of the girls heels only seemed to add to their uneasiness.

"I'm never wearing heels again." Jude whispered, looking around, as though speaking any louder would send someone out, scaring them.

"Then I'd love those shoes." Sadie smiled pointing down at her sister's feet.

"I didn't mean it literally." Jude sighed, rolling her eyes.

"How do you feel?" Sadie asked in a whisper, only watching Jude from the corner of her eye. Neither of them wanted to have this conversation, but they both knew they had too.

"I'm nervous, and annoyed that I had to come." Jude admitted. It was easy to admit her feelings to her sister, because she knew that Sadie could read them so well.

"And about seeing Tommy?" Sadie wondered.

How did she feel about seeing him again? She knew that her mind was still trying to process the fact that he was there, that he still cared enough to show up at the airport, her safety was still important to him.

"You two have hardly talked since everything happened." Sadie gave her a sad smile. She had been so disappointed with Jude when she had left, in the way she had handled her relationship with Tommy, and Jude knew it.

"I don't know, I really don't know Sadie." She sighed, if she could ever admit it to herself, she was upset and felt extremely guilty for handling things the way she had. "I guess I can make the best out of being here, try to apologize."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." Sadie nodded. "He's a good guy, and he's been a good friend to me these last few weeks."

"Oh." Jude said looking over at her sister, worried. "Please, please don't tell me you're dating him." The thought made her stomach turn. She didn't want to think about Sadie dating her ex, and she didn't want to think about Tommy dating anyone.

"No, he's just been checking up on me, living in that house, being alone, it's not the same." Sadie sighed. Jude could tell that she did truly miss her, their family had fallen apart in the last couple of years, leaving the two sisters to depend more and more on each other. A little less than a year ago, the two sisters had encouraged their father, the only parent figure they had left in their lives, to go on a journey of self discovery, but neither of them had thought it would take this long.

"I'm sorry." Jude offered. There wasn't more that she could say. She didn't feel guilty about leaving Sadie, about going out on her own, and she knew Sadie wasn't trying to make her feel that way.

"It's okay." Sadie smiled at her. "But seriously, once you've had time to processes everything…" she trailed off as the others came into sight.

"We'll talk." Jude nodded at her, before waving up to Gwen and the others.

"Are you packing?" the girls could hear Gwen's voice travel down the cement walls, she sounded so innocent, but her question seemed out of place.

"Packing?" Big Lou replied.

"Guns." Gwen said back simply, her head tiled to one side, studying the man. "You're a body guard, therefore you should be packing something. Isn't that the way they say it, packing?" she turned and gave Tommy a questioning look.

"A _Para-Ordnance P14-45 pistol, caliber_." He answered, with a smirk, it was easy for the girls to see that he didn't think they would know what he was talking about.

Gwen laughed loudly, slapping him playfully on the arm. She had found his answer amusing. "That's child's play." She laughed shaking her head.

"Child's play?" Jude asked, closer to the group.

"Took you long enough." Gwen replied, still smiling. "Let's not send me off with Tommy Q and body guard again."

"Promise." Jude smiled, watching as Gwen took her spot next to her. "Let's just go home, I'm starving."


	6. A Missed Moment

"You'll have to talk to him at some point." Gwen whispered across the kitchen island. She sat her chop sticks down and smiled towards Tommy.

Jude sighed, and turned to watch him. He was double checking all the doors and windows, at Sadie's request. She was starting to wonder if he was ever going to leave the Harrison home. They had ordered Thai food as soon as they walked through the front doors, and Tommy had gone to pick it up without being asked. And now, over an hour later, he was still there.

"Will I?" Jude whispered back.

"Sooner, rather than later." Gwen smiled before faking a yawn. "Sadie, would you mind showing me to my room, I'd like to freshen up."

"Oh." Sadie stood in the living room, next to Tommy. "Yeah, sure." She quickly followed the girl up the stairs, not missing the wink that Gwen sent her sister, and the glares she was receiving in return.

"So." Jude sighed, annoyed that Gwen was doing this to her. She walked into the living room slowly, her hands in her back pockets. "Everything locked?" she asked.

"Huh?" Tommy asked, turning around to face her, alone for the first time.

"The windows." Jude said pointing to the main window in the living room.

"Oh, yeah. They all look good." Tommy nodded, giving her a weak smile. It was hard, for both of them, to stand in the same room. There was so much that needed to be said, but they were Jude and Tommy, they could never do anything the easy way.

"Tommy I just-"

"Jude we-"

They both started at the same time, stopping only to laugh at themselves.

"Ladies first." Tommy smiled.

"I-" what did she want to say? She had had this conversation so many times in her own head, on the car ride here, on the plane, back in London, the day she left. She had been rehearsing a speech since she first knew she had made a mistake, but now that it was time to stand in the spot light, she couldn't remember a single word. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, looking down at their feet quickly before looking him in the eye. "The way I handled things, the way I left. I am so sorry, Tommy, I hope you know that."

He shook his head, looking away from her. It was just as hard to listen to as it was to say. It made them both uncomfortable to stand there, ex-lovers.

"Jude, don't." he whispered. "I know, okay, I know."

"Tommy, I have regretted treating you that way since I left. I was a chicken, a coward for doing that to you, to us." She breathed out quickly.

"I understand, Jude." Tommy said looking back at her, with just as much honesty in his eyes as she had in her words. His crystal blue eyes that could make any girls heart melt, made her heart beat faster. "I left you once, I always expected you to do the same."

"Tommy." She whispered, her head dropping. "I'm not sorry I left, I'm sorry about the way I left, the way I handled things."

"I know." He smiled, and with his hand lifted her chin gently, making sure she had nowhere to look but him. "I get it, big eyes."

That nickname, where had it come from? Jude couldn't remember. There were so many simple things that Tommy had called her over the years, so many terms that meant so much more to her than to any other person. But staring back at him, she knew that look, she knew those eyes. It was her look, the one he saved only for her. She could feel all the muscles in her stomach tighten, as the air around them seemed to grow heavy. Everything else seemed to be fading into the background, like time was going to stand still long enough for them to have a moment, one that was long overdue. She didn't have time, or the strength to reason her way out of what was coming, what she felt coming. His hand had moved to the side of her face, his thumb brushing slowly over her lips, singling for her to close her eyes, as they learned closer to each other.

"Jude." Sadie was coming down the stairs, stopping when she was the two in the living room.

The sound of her name pulled both Tommy and Jude back to reality, back from a moment, and into the world were Jude had broken Tommy's heart.

Tommy pulled his hand away quickly, and shoved them both into the front pockets of his jeans, stepping back a full two steps.

_Perfect timing._ Jude mentally shouted at her sister. Part of her was glad that Sadie had come down the stairs when she had. She had stopped Jude from doing something she might regret, something that would only give them both false hope. But the other part of her wanted to reach out and grab him, to kiss him and never let go. It was so much easier to listen to that part of her mind, to give it control.

"Sorry." Sadie whispered, still in the middle of the stairs.

"It's okay, I need to get going, tomorrow's a big day." Tommy said nodding up at Sadie.

"Remind Darius I'll be in when we're done." Sadie said keeping her place on the stairs.

"Bye Jude." He said pausing at the door long enough to look back at the still shocked girl.

"Bye." She was barley about to choke out before he closed the door. She could still feel Tommy's hand on the side of her face, her lips tingled from his touch, and her stomach was still in knots.

"Oh my freaking lord." Sadie huffed, stepping down slowly from the stairs, her eyes wide as she looked at Jude. "What was that?"

Jude fell back onto the couch, and placed a pillow over her face to muffle her scream, pressing it hard over her mouth. With a sigh, and lack of oxygen she let the pillow fall away from her face. What had just happened? She had wanted to apologize to Tommy, to explain, to say that she hoped they could be friends, one day. But no, somehow she had ended up being pulled back into the Tommy vortex, a swirling mess that consisted of all things Tommy, which were also all the things she loved.

"I don't know." She whispered, looking over at her sister with wide scared eyes. "I said sorry, he said he understood, and the next thing I knew, all I wanted to do was kiss him." She admitted it, she wanted to kiss him, she still wanted to kiss him. She would give anything to feel him next to her now, to feel his soft lips pressed hard against her own. To feel his rough fingers on her skin, it was all she could think about.

"Wow." Was all Sadie could say.


	7. Tossing and Turning

She laid awake in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Coming back to deal with Megan was enough, it was more than she wanted to do, but now, adding her never ending Tommy drama, it seemed to push her even farther over an edge she was already standing on.

She rolled over to one side, staring at the door. She loved Tommy, every part of her loved Tommy, even her music loved him. But sometimes having too much of a good thing, was a bad thing, and that's what Tommy was for her. Things with them were never simple, their emotions and stubbornness always seemed to get the best of them. But they were always finding their way back to each other, almost like they couldn't live without each other.

_No_. She readjusted her pillow and turned towards the window, facing the other wall. She had made her choice, she had left Tommy and moved to London. She had closed that door, and she couldn't believe that he could so easily forgive her, or even start to understand. He couldn't forgive her, because she couldn't forgive herself for doing that to him. But she didn't come back for Tommy, she couldn't allow herself to go down that road, not this time, not again. Her tried to think about the people she had meet in London, the boys she had flirted with, the one that had even been brave enough to ask her out, a date she quickly turned down.

She turned back over onto her back. Could she date again, could she date someone that wasn't Tommy? Jude wasn't even sure when the last time was she had found another man attractive in that way. Since her 17th birthday, her eyes had been focused on no one but Tommy. She remembered the conversation she had with her father about Tommy, just weeks after arriving in London.

_"This whole place is great honey." Stuart said, coming into the living area of Jude's flat, her new home away from home._

_"Thanks." Jude smiled at him, watching as he took the open seat next to her on the couch. Nothing was unpacked, she was too scared to see what things Sadie had sent over, what pictures were waiting to be unpacked._

_"Your sister misses you." He sighted. "Now that Kwest has moved out and all."_

_"She misses both of us, but she's so busy at G Major with the new instant star show, she's hardly got time to be there." Jude gave him a soft smile. It was hard to think about G Major and not think about Tommy, about the last look he had given her._

_"Are you missing it yet?" he asked after a few moments of silence, it was easy to see the tears swimming in her eyes. She was standing on the edge of a cliff, and it would only be moments before she fell._

_"Hmm?" she asked, pulling herself out of her thoughts._

_"G Major, Toronto, Tommy." He whispered the last word, his name, as if hopping she wouldn't hear him._

_That was all it took, someone saying his name, someone that understood, and she felt a sobs rising up in her throat before she could stop them. All it took was the sound of her cry for their father's arms to be wrapped around her tightly, soothing her softly._

_"It's okay." He whispered to his daughter, over and over. _

_"How-" she spoke through her sobs, she needed to understand, she needed answers that she hadn't gotten. "How can I ever feel the same about anyone else?"_

_"You're so young Jude, there are going to be other's. I refuse to believe that you found your one at fifteen."_

Her father was right, and as she sighed, readjusting her pillow for what felt like the hundredth time that night, she knew he was right. She couldn't have found her soul mate so many years ago in the lobby of G Major, she couldn't believe that Tommy was the only person in the whole world for her. She had only been nineteen for a few weeks, she to too young, too immature, and too unworldly to have found her other half.

_Then why does everything feel better as soon as you see him?_ She couldn't help but ask herself that. The moment she saw him at the airport, she forgot why she was coming back, she forgot about Megan, the trail, everything. And then, the second he stepped out of the door, out of her sight, she could feel everything coming back, all the stress and worry. She felt happy when she knew he was close, nit just happy but safe, and it wasn't something she could control, she knew that much. Tom Quincy made her feel different, like a different person, without even doing anything. How could anyone else in the world make her feel like that?

_Have you meet everyone in the world? _She had to argue with herself, she had been doing it all night. But she knew she was right, on both sides. She hadn't meet everyone in the whole world, and she knew that she hadn't been giving anyone she had meet a fair chance to even be friends with her. The only friends she had made in London, other than Gwen, were a few people at her label, and she wasn't sure she could consider them friends. Starting over, it was harder than she had expected.

She sighed loudly and looked back at the door. She had left Toronto, and Tommy because she didn't want a crutch, she didn't want that safety net anymore. She wanted to have her own adventures, to live her own life. She wanted to look back on things in twenty years and have the same stories that Tommy has now. She wanted to make her own memories. But not having a crutch, also meant not having any real support in London. She knew that she had everyone at home cheering for her, but she had no one there.

_You should have thought it through more clearly, he should have come with you. _Her thoughts were starting to get louder in her own head. As she rolled over again, looking back out the window, she noticed that the sun was starting to come up, the outside world was starting to light with the dawn of a new day, a day she wasn't looking forward to.


	8. J Shaped Pancakes

"Did you get any sleep?" Gwen asked, as she followed Jude down the Harrison family home stairs.

"Sleep is over rated, I'll do it when I'm dead." Jude sighed, pushing her hair behind her ears as she rounded the corner, only to come to a complete stop, making Gwen crash into her back.

He had invaded her mind, and now, here he was again, invading her home. But she could feel the sense of peace wash over her, that safety she felt when he was in the same room as her. She thought she had figured it out, she thought that it had come from the whole Hunter thing. Tommy would do anything to protect her, even risk his own life, and that had to be why she felt this way. But it wasn't really Tommy that had made her stop, it was the boy, no, the man standing next to him. His tall lanky figure was one that she had missed the most.

"Jude Harrison, up before the birds." Jamie Andrews, Jude's lifelong best friend, smiled back at her.

"Jamie." She whispered before shooting forward wrapping her arms about his neck, feeling her toes lift off the ground as he spun her around once. "I missed you." She whispered kissing his check before he released her.

"Well that's what happens when you put an ocean between us." Jamie joked.

Jude glanced over at Tommy, giving him a small nod and a smile. She wasn't sure why he was here, but at the moment she didn't care. She knew that today was going to be the first of many long days, and she liked that she had the support, the support of her family and friends.

"Jude doesn't have manners in the morning." Gwen said stepping up next to Jude. "I'm Gwen."

"Right, sorry." Jude apologized to Gwen, hitting her forehead with the heel of her palm. "Jamie, Gwen is my assistant, and friend." She wasn't really sure if she could consider Gwen a friend, she did after all work for her. But in London she was the closest thing to a best friend that Jude had.

"Jude Harrison has an assistant?" Jamie laughed, shaking the girls hand.

"It's a pleasure of meet you." Gwen said politely, before heading the rest of the way into the kitchen, leaving them alone to catch up.

"You really are a rock star." Jamie smiled, placing an arm around Jude, as the whole group followed Gwen.

"Not yet, just busy." Jude laughed, hugging Jamie's waist. "What are you even doing here? I tried to call you yesterday when we got in, but Zeppelin said you were busy in meetings, something about Spied's tour."

"I was, I have been going all over, trying to get everything worked out. He's leaving in a few weeks." Jamie smiled. It was easy to see how proud he was of the work he had been doing, and Jude was proud of him as well.

"That's so awesome Jamie." She said sitting down on a bar stool, while Sadie passed her a plate of pancakes. "J shaped pancakes?" she laughed looking up at her sister.

"You didn't get any on your birthday, it only seemed right." Sadie smiled.

"Which is why I'm here." Jamie laughed, holding up the pancake. "In reality, you come in second to these pancakes."

"Even a stack of T one's for Tommy." Sadie said handing Tommy a plate.

"I feel left out." Gwen laughed, but the whole laughed when Sadie help up a plate with what looked it an O shaped pancake.

"I tried." Sadie offered. "And it's the thought that counts."

Jude was impressed with her sister. She knew that Sadie was been lonely when she had left so soon after her break up with Kwest. So she knew how much this meant to Sadie, to have the house full of people, even if Jude couldn't fully understand why there were all there.

"Three hours." Gwen announced when her watch started to beep, looking up at Jude, who had a bite of pancake just up to her mouth.

"Three hours?" Jamie asked, turning to look at the two girls.

"Until we need to leave." Gwen nodded.

"We're not due there until eleven." Sadie said looking at the clock, unsure of how this girl was figuring time, it was only a little past seven.

"Gwen is big on being on time." Jude smiled with a slight eye roll, but it was enough to make Tommy laugh.

"I like this girl, anyone that can make you be on time has to have super powers." Tommy laughed.

"No super powers, I'm just very good at my job." Gwen smiled. "You have to call the studio at some point this morning, and you've got that phone interview this afternoon, and Nicola wants an update at the end of the day." She paused looking down at the day planner in front of her. "Oh and you should call your father, I promised to keep him up to date on everything. And Abbi sent over the papers for the band, she wants to make sure they all look right before having them sign."

"Are the numbers in for last week?" Jude wondered. Gwen had so much control of her days, she had more knowledge of what Jude had planned and needed to do than Jude herself did, and she was grateful for that. Ever since she had arrived in London she had way more to deal with than she could handle.

"Not yet, but I told Kai to picture them to me as soon as they came out, but from what I've been reading, they are bound to be higher than last time." Gwen said.

"Did Derek e-mail the final mix of that song?" Jude asked, with a mouth full. When she was talking to Gwen, it was easy to get lost in the world between them, the world of work.

"He did, I'll get it put on your phone, and Dr. Rana called this morning, wanting to confirm your appointment for next week, so I rescheduled it for next month on the 18th, it's the only day you've got a long enough break."

Jude thought for a moment while she chewed her food. "I can't, the release party is the day before, I'll need to be free for interview, and reviews."

"Even more reason to go, you'll need the distraction, and I'll need the time to gather all the papers." Gwen said looking back a few pages, and marking something down on the calendar.

Jude glanced up when her sister cleared her throat. She had almost forgotten about the other three people in the room, and she knew everything they were saying wouldn't make sense to them, the names they used, the appointments.

"Save the work for some other time, not the breakfast table." Sadie rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, mom." Jude rolled her eyes back and her sister and gave Gwen a look, showing her she didn't care what Sadie thought.

"I'll go get ready for the day." Gwen said before leaving the four.

"She's-" Jamie couldn't find the right words.

"Organized." Tommy offered.

"She's really good at her job." Jude laughed. She knew that not everyone would get along with Gwen, she was a little different, but that was why Jude liked her, because she was real, and always herself. "What are you doing here anyways Quincy, if it's early for me, then it must be even earlier for you."

"I'm always on time, thank you." Tommy shot her another look. "And I hadn't intended on coming here, I was working with Jamie on Speiderman's album."

"It's true, with Kwest gone, I needed Tommy's help." Jamie sighed. After Kwest had left G Major, he had gone and started to help out at NBR, but even that proved to be too much, too close to the Harrison house. And after just a few weeks, he decided that he needed to go home for awhile, a vacation.

"Yeah, when is he coming back anyways?" Jude wondered, paying no attention to her sister's change in mood. She was still uncomfortable talking about Kwest.

"I don't think he is," Tommy sighed. "I talked to him last week, and I guess Island Record's offered him a contract."

"Island Record? Like in New York?" Sadie asked, suddenly looking up from the dishes she was cleaning.

"Or in London? That would be so cool if he was over there." Jude sighed, thinking about how nice it would be to have someone she knew close by. She could picture herself meeting up with him at the little café around the corner from her own label, going to launch parties with him. When she looked around at the other's she noticed Tommy's expression, and quickly put together what must have been running through his head. She talked about having someone there, someone that wasn't Tommy, and she could see the pain flash in his eyes, and the tension in the air raise, everyone else seemed to be aware of it as well. "I need to shower." She said quickly pushing her plate away and standing up. "Thanks for the pancakes, they were great."

"Yeah, of course." Sadie said, as they watched Jude leave with all the color on her face draining.


	9. Details, not feelings

I've hit a wall. I'm blocked with this story. I never had a complete idea of where I wanted it to go, I only had the simply thought of Jude needed to come back and deal with Megan. I don't want this story to be able about Jude/Tommy relationship, because if we think about it, and I mean really think about it, Jude needs to spread her wings, she needs to see more of the world, and more of the people in the world before she can commit herself to anyone, Tommy included. I'm not saying there won't be Jude/Tommy moments, but those aren't what I want to focus on. So while I search for inspiration, rest assured that I do have more written that I haven't posted yet. And since I'm not Canadian, I have no idea how their legal system works, so I'm sorry if it doesn't match up with the way things would have been handled. Hope everyone is having a great summer, and don't forget your sunblock!

* * *

><p>"You're going to need to remember details, not just how you felt." The lawyer stated, sitting on the other side of the desk. "Often times, when a person becomes scared, they tend to shut down, and can't recall what really happened, because their emotions take over."<p>

"Shouldn't how I feel matter as well?" Jude asked. He had been telling her about what she needed to expect for tomorrow, for the first day of the hearing, and what she could expected of her.

"That's the most important part, because you felt threatened, but we will to use that last, we want them to see that you were in a clear state of mind." He told her.

"Why wouldn't she have been in a clear state of mind?" Sadie asked.

"I was working on my motorcycle that day, what other state of mind could I have been in?" Jude asked.

"I don't know, but we have to be prepared for whatever the defense will say." He explained. "I don't think this will take long. She has admitted to doing it, to chaining you up, and that she had plans to do the same to Sadie."

"Then what's the point of all of this?" Jude asked rolling her eyes.

"The point is, if you don't go through with this, this girl would get a slap on the wrist, and that's all. She is be able to think that what she did was fine, and there would be no consequences for her actions." He had explained it to her many times over the phone. "Miss Harrison, I understand, you don't want to be the bad guy, but this is the only way to help this girl."

"It's just the way you say it, you make it sound like she tried to kill me or something." Jude sighed, looking down at her fingers, her perfectly polished nails. Would Megan have truly tried to kill her if she didn't play along? Jude wasn't sure, she wasn't sure if she could even know what Megan would have tried to do. There were days when that whole day seemed to become a blur, and others were she could recall everything, from the way the air tasted, to the last text message she had sent Tommy.

Tommy, was this all because of him? She had talked about it with Dr. Rana at one point, talked about some of the feelings she had, how she wanted to place the blame somewhere other than Megan, to try and help get her out of trouble. Megan had been the first girlfriend Jude had after Kat left, and even though she had crossed the line, it was still hard for Jude to forget that, to forget how Megan had helped her in the first place. It wasn't Tommy's fault, and it wasn't her own fault. It was Megan's fault, and that was why she had to do this, why she had to go through it all over again.

"Do you have any questions, at all, about what will happen tomorrow?" he asked.

Jude though for a moment, tomorrow would be the first day of the hearing, she had been told, because of her social position, the trail would take longer, due to media mainly. She was sure at one point she had read online somewhere about it being a high profile case. She wasn't a high profile person, she was hardly any bigger than when she had left Toronto. She album 'My ReTurn' had blown up, yes. But she didn't see how that could make this into a high profile case.

"Jamie, Zeppelin, and Speiderman, when will they be testifying?" Sadie asked.

"Vincent, Wallace, and Kyle will all take the stand tomorrow, to talk about the relationship between the two girls, and when Jude noticed that Megan wasn't really her friend. We want to make sure that everyone understands that you saw her as a threat before the incident. Then, if all goes well, the following day I will call Jamie, Zeppelin and Sadie to the stand."

"Can we not call it that?" Jude asked, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. She didn't like it being called an incident, like it was just something that had happened. "She locked me up in my basement, chained me to a support beam, and held a nail gun to my head, let's just call it what it is." But what was it? She wasn't everyone to stop making sure a big deal out of it, but at the same time, she knew that she was scared of Megan, and that made her become scared of other fans, other people.

"Okay, I think that's enough for one day." Sadie said standing up. "I have your number if we have any more questions."

"Okay, I'll see you ladies in the morning." He stood as he watched the Harrison sisters leave his office, giving Jude a slight nod as she closed the door.

"That's wasn't very long." Gwen said standing up and quickly falling into step with Jude was they walked towards the elevator.

"Everything go okay?" Tommy whispered to Sadie, Jude could fee his eyes on the back of her head.

"Fine." Sadie nodded. "Tomorrow morning is the first day of the trail, SME will take the stand, Jude will be the last one to testify." She informed him.

"If there is anything I can do, you know I'm here." He offered back her to, making Jude throw a look over her shoulder at the two of them.

It was annoying, him being there. He should hate her, she wanted him to hate her. It was the only thing that would make sense, because nothing else was adding up to her. In the elevator she could feel his arm brushing against hers, and it cause her to have goose bumps, but she didn't want to react to the feeling, she couldn't.

"Big Lou will be with you guys tomorrow." Tommy said trying to make the silent elevator seem less taunting.

"No, he won't." Jude sighed, crossing her arms and leaning in the rail, her eyes focused on the little red dots that changed with each floor.

"What do you mean no?" Sadie asked, sounding annoyed that she hadn't been informed earlier of this.

"I talked it over with Nicola, I don't need a body guard, it will just add to all the craziness. All I want is for this to be over." Jude said, keeping her eyes on the red dots. She could feel Gwen shift, placing herself a little more in between the two sisters.

"The label feels that it will add the media's idea of what really happened, and spin everything out of control. Jude is safe with me, that's why I came. Safety in numbers." She sounded happy, and Jude knew the smile that she wore, it was the same one she used when she had spoken to her father. Gwen was so confident of the saying, 'safety in numbers', it was annoying, but Jude was glad that it got Sadie to drop the subject.

"I'll be there, it'll be fine." Tommy offered to Sadie.

"No." Jude said shaking her head. This time she looked away from the numbers, and looked into Tommy's eyes, but she knew if she looked to long she would get lost and wouldn't be able to remember what she wanted to tell him. "I would rather keep you out of it as well."

"Jude." Tommy was confused, hurt, and unsure of what she would say these things. Jude herself wasn't sure why she was so sure she didn't want him there, but she didn't. She didn't want anyone else dragged into this mess, it was enough that Speid, Wally and Kyle had to be there.

"It's better this way." Jude whispered at the doors opened, and they all shuffled out of the elevator. She wasn't sure if Tommy had heard her, or if he was even listening still, she could see the same faraway look he had given her before. It was almost like he was shutting down, and nothing mattered.


	10. 620

Jude stood in 620, breathing in the air slowly. She had always loved this space, from the moment she had stepped foot in the loft so many years ago, she had instantly fallen in love. The vibe of the room, the random things stapled, glued, and nailed to the walls, it all made her feel at home. She smiled softly at the picture of Pasty, she was the reason she had gotten this space, it was her connection to so much. She could feel her absent in the room as she looked over at the boys waiting for her.

SME had been become more than just her band over the years, they were her brothers. The chemistry between all of them was something more amazing than Jude had left with any band in London. They were her band, or she was their singer, either way, she knew one thing to always stat true; they belonged together. She could almost mentally hear the boys telling her, the peanut to the butter, the cream to the coffee, the sand to the beach. But like all things in her life, they were another thing she had left behind. It had been easier to leave them, Kyle had asked if it was a trial separation and Wally made some comment about Spied's marriage. That was when Jude knew it would be okay to do this without them. She knew that her music would miss them, that she would miss them. But it was also time. Speid wanted to do a solo album, and Jude couldn't allow herself to stand in the way of that. She knew that in some point in their lives they would all take the stage, together again.

"So dude, what do you think?" Speid asked, looking nervous as Jude inspected the room.

She wasn't sure what he was referring to. What she thought? She had been doing way too much thinking if anyone asked her. "I try not to." She commented.

"The room!" Wally said throwing his arms out. All three boys were standing by the door, waiting for Jude's approval.

"It looks just like it did when I left." She was confused. What could have possible happened in this room, the room that held so many memories. She sat her guitar down on the futon, the one that she shared with Tommy only months ago. She was glad it was still there, that it still held that memory for her, because she knew those were feeling she would never want to forget.

"She has no idea." Kyle sighed, out of relief and disappointment.

"What?" Jude asked looking back at them.

"Dude, we spent days cleaning, trying to make sure it was back together for you." Speiderman explained.

"Yeah, but only because we trashed it while you've been gone." Wally added, which made Spied turn and give him a look. "Sorry." He shrugged.

She laughed lightly, going to the boys, and sharing a group hug with them. With all their heads touching, eyes looking down at their feet, she whispered "You guys know you pay the rent now, so this place is yours, not mine." Laughing, she broke away from them. She had missed them more than she realized.

"Yeah, trust me, we know about paying rent." Kyle told her.

"Yeah, you think it's easy to watch four hundred a month just disappear?" Speiderman asked. "Cause, it's not!"

"What I meant was, you didn't have to clean it for me. It's not mine anymore." It was hard to say that, it was like admitting that Tommy wasn't hers anymore either. And it made knots form in her stomach.

"Dude, you're the rock goddess of 620, it's always gonna be yours." Speid rolled his eyes at her comment. "Jamie said you had a friend, where is your friend?"

"Oh." Jude looked around the room. She wasn't sure where Gwen had gone. Before they had made it to the sixth floor in the building her phone had gone off. "She must still be outside on the phone." She shrugged.

Kyle opened the door quickly, and they all stared at Gwen's back. Jude laughed at the looks the boys were giving each other, unsure of what the girl was saying.

"Blimey, what's that numpty bleeder done now? The bloke is bobbins. Was she a choong? Wait at the chip shop? He's a pleb." Gwen was too involved in her conversation to even notice they had opened the door to watch her.

"What?" Speid said turning towards Jude.

The one things Jude had trouble understanding was the daily speech of close friends in London. There were times when she felt like they were speaking a totally different language, it was the same feeling she got when she would get her nails done in the mail by the Korean woman. They would shout back and forth to each other, paying no attention to the fact that no one else could understand them. But as she listened to Gwen now, she knew who she was talking too, and she could almost understand what she was saying.

"What's a pleb?" Kyle whispered to Wally, who shrugged his shoulders.

"What's a choong?" Wally asked, looking a Speid, who then turned back to Jude again, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"I think she's talking to her sister." She guessed.

"And you understand that?" Speid asked, as the boys left the door halfway open, walking closer to Jude, and to their instruments.

"Not at all." She laughed. "It's almost like a different world over there sometimes." She picked up the small plastic triangular pick and held it between her fingers for them all to see. "This is a pleck. And don't even ask me to explain music notes."

"I thought they spoke English." Wally sighed shaking his head.

"We do." Gwen said closing the door as she came into the space. "Sorry about that, drama at home."

"It's all good." Jude nodded at her. "Gwen this is my band of brothers, Speiderman Mind Explosion. This is Speiderman, Wally, and Kyle. Dudes, this is Gwen." She used the word dude and cringed. It was their word not hers, but it seemed fitting. She couldn't call them boys anymore, but they weren't men yet.

"It's nice to finally meet all of you." Gwen said nodding at each of them. "And I'm glad to finally know what 620 is, Jude speaks of it often."

"Yeah, well the Dude misses it." Speid laughed.

"It's true." Jude nodded. She could think there, she could feel everything, even the things she had been blocking out and putting off. Moving to London changed everything, and clouded her head with so many things, Megan, G Major, Sadie, a new label, a new producer, Kwest, SME, Jamie, and Tommy. She had written a few songs since she had been in London, those first few weeks were great, because she felt like it was a vacation, but as reality sunk in, and culture shock hit, she was blocked. She could still write, her thoughts and feelings would never disappear, but her music seemed to stop. She couldn't come up with anything, until now. Standing in 620, holding the next of her guitar, it made everything flow again, and she could feel her fingers itching to play notes.

"Let's hear what you got me lady, rock goddess." Speiderman laughed, plugging in his guitar to the amp.

She knew she could count on this to always be the same. There was no doubt in her mind that their time apart would change them or how they played together. All it took was a simple string of chords, notes that floated around in Jude's head, and the boys picked up the rhythm, helping her form the song.


	11. Late Birthday

"Bowling?" Gwen asked raising an eyebrow at Jude as they walked through the double doors of a local bowling alley.

Jude laughed. She knew that Gwen had assumed her life was a little more glamorous, the way it was in London, filled with clubs, pubs and nights out. But here, at home, everything was much more laid back. She had a jam session with the guys that had lasted for hours. They went through old songs, played some of Speid's, and just goofed around. It was so easy to be with them and have fun. She didn't need to be in the limelight to know that she was a rock star. "I wasn't legal last time I was home, plus bowling is fun, have a little faith."

"I do not doubt, I just have a hard time picturing you bowling." Gwen laughed. "Who all is going to be here?" she asked as the noise grew louder.

"Speid said it was just going to be a few people." Jude shrugged as they rounded the corner, coming into view of the eight lanes. There was a large sign hanging in the middle of the lanes, reading Happy Birthday, with the words late written in-between the two words in marker. Underneath it stood what seemed like everyone she knew from home.

"We rented out the whole place cause of you Harrison." Speiderman shouted.

"Speid!" Sadie said slapping his arm. No one wanted to continuously point out that Jude couldn't just go anywhere she wanted anymore, it wasn't safe.

"What?" he asked, laughing in an attempt to defuse the tension. "She needs to understand that I had intended for it to be us, not all of you." He looked back at everyone, most of them were people from G Major, a few high school friends, but mostly just the people she called her family.

Jude still had her hands over her mouth, covering up her shock and confusion. She let him fall to the side for a moment as her sister came forward, seeking a hug.

"Happy late Birthday." Sadie whispered as they hugged. "We thought it was only fair, since you didn't get a real party this year."

"Sadie." Jude could feel the hot tears sting her eyes. She knew that this was about more than just her birthday, this was to keep her mind off the trail, off the looming days that were to follow. And Jude loved it. There was nothing that could make this moment any better for her.

"You wouldn't believe how hard we worked, I mean that banner, it took hours." Speid laughed, coming forward as well.

"Thank you, you guys," Jude said hugging him. "You're seriously the best, she whispered in his ear.

"Honestly, it was Tommy's idea." Speid whispered back. Earlier that day he had found the time to sit with her and talk about what was going on, about what had happened before she had left. He had been a little hurt that she didn't talk to him about it before, and expressed that her. Jude had forgotten how well Vincent Speiderman understood her. He was her Bart after all.

"Lingering hug." Karma's voice snapped at her, making Jude pull back and laugh.

"Hey Karma, thanks for coming." Jude smiled.

"Like I had a choice, I would never willingly choose to wear someone else's shoes." She rolled her eyes, but gave Jude a quick smile.

"Still the same." Jude gave her a hug quickly before turning to greet the people in the crowd. She was amazed as some of the people there, faces she hadn't seen in years, and she was sure there were faces she didn't know.

"So what do you get the girl that has almost everything?" Tommy asked, coming up to her.

Jude laughed at his question, she could still remember when he asked her that so many years prior. Back then it was simple, all she wanted for was Shay and Tommy to get along. But now, what did she want? World peace? A cure of cancer? To find where her head had gone?

"This is crazy," she laughed, not wanting the air between them to become awkward. "I can't believe anyone had the time."

"For you, everyone makes time." Darius Mills laughed joining the two in front of bowling balls. "Happy Birthday Jude, and we're glad you're back, even if it's a short trip."

"Thanks D." Jude nodded at him as he choose a ball and walked away from them, before turning back to look at Tommy with confusion. She was surprised to see him there, but she knew, watching the way he watched her sister, Sadie was the reason he was there. She smiled back up at Tommy when they were left alone. "Really couldn't think of anything to get me Quincy?" she laughed.

"I'll get you anything you want." He breathed out in a whisper that made Jude's heart speed up. His words were so soft and filled with the passion Jude hadn't heard in months.

For a moment she thought about asking for a time machine, or something that could keep them stuck in that very moment. The way he looked at her, the way his crystal blue eyes poured into her own, it was something she didn't want to lose. She could feel as they both leaned closer to each other, his hand resting on her hip, where it seem to just naturally rest.

"Jude." Gwen coughed, from behind, making the two step apart.

"You've got to be kidding." She muttered under her breath turning to look at Gwen, noticing all the other people that were turning away from, acting as though they hadn't just been watching them. She had almost forgotten that they were surrounded by people; it was easy to lose herself in a moment with Tommy.

"Your shoes." Gwen said handing Jude a pair of bowling shoes.

"Thanks." She forced herself to smile and take the shoes from the girl, but by the time she turned back to Tommy, he wasn't there, lost in the crowd of people.


	12. The Basement

Jude sat in the basement of her house, it was the one room that she had grown to hate, and she hadn't really grown to hate it, she had been made to hate it. When she looked around, it was as though flashes of that night would come back, she could see herself sitting in front of a key board, with Megan pacing back and forth behind her, the nail gun tight in her hand. She could see herself tied up to the chair when Megan had gone to Jamie's to borrow the bass. That nightmare, those memories they were still so real in her mind and so fresh sitting there, it made her wonder if when she left for London, if she was running from more than just Tommy.

She had the nightmares in London, but she had worked through them, with the help of the therapist her sister and insisted that she see. And now, because Sadie was insisting on this trail, her she was, bringing it all back up again. Digging up the memories she was sure she had boxed up.

She had tried explaining it to Sadie, but fighting with an ocean between them was even more difficult than fighting in the same room. There weren't enough words for Jude to convey her message, and Sadie had no intentions of hearing her. Things with the Harrison sister's always seemed to be Sadie's way, or no way.

But Jude didn't want to be doing this, she didn't want to do this to her friends, to her family, to herself and mostly to Megan. Megan had admitted that what she had done was wrong, but Jude also knew that she owed a lot to Megan and her craziness. If she hadn't done what she did, Jude's face wouldn't have been all over the news, her music wouldn't have gotten the type of exposure it had, and she wouldn't have had the chance to live out her dreams. Part of her also wondered if Tommy wouldn't have proposed if it hadn't happened. But it had happened, and Jude knew that all she wanted was to take the things that made her stronger and use them, not dwell on what could hurt her. It was something she had heard a lot from Dr. Rana.

She leaned on the support beam, the one that was so common in her nightmares. Doing this meant that she was going to drag everyone through the mud, that all of Megan's issues would be exposed to the world, and to Jude's fans. Jude had learned the hard way, that exposing certain things to the public could only come back to haunt you, and that her fans weren't very forgiving. She could still remember the amount of hate mail Tommy had gotten after one of their break ups, and the support she had gotten after her internet blasting of him. They weren't things that she was proud of, and it wasn't something she wanted to live through again. But here she was, listening to the impatient footsteps of her sister above her.

"Jude." Sadie called through the open door.

"Yeah." She answered back.

"What are you doing down here?" Sadie asked, quickly appearing at the top of the stairs. The stress of the day was already showing on her face.

"Just thinking." Jude gave her a soft smile.

"Well Tommy is here to give you a ride, I have to swing by the office and sign some papers, then I'll meet you out front."

She suddenly felt like a child. Like somehow, in the mess that had become her life, she had lost ten years of her life, and was transported back to her childhood. Was there anything she was going to be able to do alone?

"Yeah, okay." She sighed, standing up straighter, and heading for the door. At the top of the stairs, she looked back down, taking in the site of her basement one last time.

He was standing in the kitchen, with a coffee mug in his hands, his eyes on her as she emerged from the basement.

"You okay girl?" he asked, watching her face.

"Fine." She lied. It was all she could do though, she couldn't tell anyone that she was scared, or nervous, because they would try and comfort her, to make her feel better. But she didn't want to feel better, and she didn't want to be comforted, she just wanted this all to stop.

"Jude, about today." Tommy started, and Jude knew this was going to happen.

"Tommy, please." She looked up at him, knowing that she could use her eyes against him. Every part of her wanted him to be there, she wanted him to not listen to her and to just show up anyway, but she didn't want to think that she needed him there. She had made a choice to stand on her own two feet, but she couldn't tell him that she wasn't happy with what she had chosen.

"You don't have to go through this alone," he stepped forward, closer to her and she could smell his cologne mixed with coffee.

"I need to do this my way." She sighed, looking away from his eyes, knowing that he was trying his hardest to make her will crumble, and he was so close.


	13. Day One

I'm sorry. I hate to read one of those stories that never gets updated, its annoying and I know personally, I quickly forget about it. Life just tends to pick up when I want it to slow down, and relationships, ugh that's a whole different story. I'll try and get lots posted this week.

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><p>It was hard to sit and listen to the questions her friends had to answer, questioning her own sanity, her judgment. It was hard to sit in the room, knowing that Megan was so close to her, her eyes watching her stiff movement. She had hardly slept that night, the stress of this day was overwhelming. Her emotions were high, and she knew it would be easy to make her cry at any moment.<p>

She was becoming more and more annoyed with the people around her as the questions went on, has Kyle took the chair in front of all of them. She smoother out the line in her blue pencil skirt, her outfits were planned by the stylist at her label. She never would have chosen this, she didn't even want to be sitting there, listening to them. She rolled her eyes, as Sadie whispered something to her about sitting up straight. She wasn't her mother, and it was annoying.

"We're taking a short break, while they prepare for Vincent to take the stand." The lawyer said turning around to look at the three girls sitting directly behind him.

"Thank you." Sadie said nodding her head, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Jude knew that it was hard for her to be away from work, now that she had been promoted work was even more important to her than anything else.

"It's intense up there." Kyle whispered coming back and sitting behind the girls next to the other members of SME. "And all the press, it's worse than taking the stage naked."

"Have you ever gone on naked?" Speid asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't want to picture Kyle naked, talk about something else." Karma rolled her eyes.

"What was more scary, the questions, or the looks from the reporters?" Wally asked. He had been the first one to take the stand, because he and Kyla had the least to say on the matter. He had talked about the type of person Jude was, the friend she was, how the friendship started with Mega, how he saw her, when Jude had started to back away from the friendship, simple things that were easy for him to answer. It was hard to watch how uncomfortable everyone was.

"I thought Megan was the creepiest, the way she stares." Kyle gave a fake over the top shiver.

"The room isn't very big, I'm sure she can hear you." Sadie pointed out.

Jude sighed out of frustration. She didn't want to put them through this, she didn't want to put Megan or her family through this. She wanted to forget it. "I'm going to the bathroom." She stood up, not looking at anymore. She had only made it past Sadie before she stopped and looking behind her at Gwen, who was on her heels. She could feel the anger rise in her, the sudden frustration she felt towards her assistant was boiling over. But there was nothing she could say, Gwen followed behind her, just like she always did.

"How are you doing?" Gwen asked, once inside the bathroom.

"Fine." She was short with her answer. She knew that Gwen understood how she felt about all of this, she had talked to her about it many times, but it never changed anything.

"You don't seem fine." Gwen said softly, turning to look at her. "I know this is hard, but I'm here for you Jude."

"I know." Jude sighed, feeling bad for the tone she was using with Gwen. She hadn't done anything wrong. "I just don't want to be doing this."

"You sure this has nothing to do with a certain male?" Gwen laughing, knowing that it would make Jude smile.

Jude couldn't help but laugh as she thought about the look on Tommy's face that morning as he dropped Jude and Gwen off at the court house, his final plea to Jude about him attending the hearing. "He just doesn't know when to give up."

"Do you?" Gwen asked, before the two turned to leave the bathroom. "We were all at the bowling alley, everyone saw you two."

"They saw nothing." She smiled at the girl. She was distracting her from what was happening, and that was what she needed, someone that could make her feel like it was okay not to think about what was happening. But deep in her mind and heart, she knew the only person that could fully do that job was the one person she has repeatedly asked not to come.


	14. Day Three

It was the third day of the trail and what they hoped would be the last, and Jude sat wearing yet another thing she would have chosen herself. The white cream dress fit snuggly, the stylish had told her that white is the color of innocence's. And like every morning in the court room, she was sitting on the edge of her seat. It was a media frenzy everywhere she went, and everywhere she went, Gwen was following right behind. Jude had gotten annoyed the night before when Gwen followed her into the bathroom at the restaurant.

But today was different, today Sadie was on the stand. That morning Tommy had yet again begged Jude to let him come, if not for her, then for Sadie. But Jude had once again told him no, explaining that like everything else she needed to do in her life, she needed to do this without him. She knew her words had hurt him, because truthfully they had hurt her as well. She had kept telling everyone she was ready for a life of her own, but her time in London had shown her just how much she had loved her life here.

"Miss. Harrison, can you please tell me where you were that afternoon." The lawyer requested.

Sadie's voice was shaky. She had been so amazing handling the press, but this was different. "A spa retreat with G Major. Darius had planned the trip for everyone at G Major."

"And why wasn't you sister there?" he asked.

"Because she was no longer under contract there. Her third album was finished, so other than me, she had no real ties to G Major anymore."

No real ties? Jude wanted to laugh loudly right there. She had sent Tommy there that day, she had batted her eyelashes and asked him to go and get Darius's permission to remix her album. She had more ties to G Major than anyone in the world.

"Can you explain to us, what happened when you came home that night?" he asked, walking back and forth.

"I-I, I came in the house and called out Jude's name, I really needed to talk to her. I was upset, and exhausted, and angry that she wasn't there, or didn't appear to be there." Sadie looked at her sister quickly, and then back at the wood in front of her. "I went into the kitchen, got out some ice-cream and a bottle of wine, and then went to the living room. I don't know what time I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew, Jamie and Spied were yelling at Megan, and she had some cloth in her hand."

"Why didn't you try calling your sister, or looking for her?" he wondered.

"Because Jude often comes and goes as she pleases. I'm her sister, not her mother. I figured if she didn't answer me, then she was her loft across town, or over at Jamie's. Jude is an adult, she always been free to make her own decisions."

"Thank you Miss Harrison, that's all I have."

"We will take a short recesses." They announced.

"How was I?" Sadie asked, going back over to her sister.

"You were perfect." Gwen nodded reassuring the sister.

"You're up next, are you ready?" Sadie asked, looking down at her.

Jude shook her head softly, making her blond curls bounce. "I need a minute." She whispered, standing up, and leaving the room. Once outside she turned back towards Gwen, who she knew would be right behind her. "Alone!" she shouted. "Did you not just hear Sadie? I'm an adult, I can have a minute alone!" she was mad, she was more than mad, she was scared. She didn't want to be doing this.


	15. Bathroom, Megan, and Lies

This is the first part of this story that I wrote, sort of the thing that started it all.

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><p>Jude stared at the face in the mirror, she could hear her own heart beating while she looked at those eyes. She didn't know what to do, Megan was standing in front of the only exit, and she had told Gwen, in an angry voice to give her a few minutes to herself.<p>

"You shouldn't be in here." Jude said in a shaky voice, remembering what she had been told, no contact.

"Our song is amazing Jude, I wish you would have seen that, before you drug us through all this." The girl said throwing her arms out to her sides, motioning all around them, to the fact that they were now in the court house bathroom.

Someone would be along soon, Jude was sure of it. Why did she have to tell Tommy not to come, or yell at Gwen? She knew she needed to look strong right now, but facing her was harder than it had been the first time. She smoothed out the front of her dress, before turning around slowly. "My song is amazing, and you did this to yourself." She replied.

"You're doing this to me!" Megan screamed, stepping closer.

Jude wished that she could back up, but she could already feel the counter top behind her. There was nowhere to go, but towards the wall. She slid slowly, wishing she could put more distance between them.

"You need to leave, Megan, talking to me is only going to make things worse for you." Jude said slowly, feeling her back hit the stall door. Her heart was pounding so loud, she was sure that it could be heard in the whole bathroom.

"No, we're going to settle this here." Megan said, and it was a tone Jude knew well, one that had haunted her dreams for weeks. "If you can forgive Tommy, you can forgive me."

"Tommy has nothing to do with this." Jude swallowed.

"Tommy always has something to do with it. You couldn't just get over him, and even after our song, you went back to him!" she shouted, Jude could feel her hands on her wrists.

"I'm not with Tommy, I moved to London." Jude said closing her eyes tight, trying to hold back her tears. "I left Tommy here."

"But you still love him, it's all over you face, and in all those crap songs you've released." Her grip was starting to hurt, and Jude could feel her nails digging into her skin.

"I am not with Tommy." Jude shouted, pushing the girl back away from her. But she quickly regretted her actions, as she watched Megan coming back towards her, looking even angrier. Her hand hit the wall, right next to Jude's face, and she could feel the hot tears and she sank down to her knees in front of the girl. The loud bang had covered up the sound of the bathroom door opening.

"I highly suggest you step away from her." Jude knew that voice, it was steady and even, Gwen had come. She looked around Megan's legs when she heard the melt click of what sounded like a gun.

Gwen was standing just behind the girl, her small Bertta 9mm held steady, pointing at her back.

Jude gulped back her tears, which were quickly replaced with confusion. She had gone through security with Gwen when they had entered the court house, and she had never known her to own a gun.

"Step the bloody hell back, now." Gwen shouted, moving in-between the girl and Jude. "Are you okay?" she quickly crouched down, helping Jude stand back up, her aim never moving more than a fraction from her target.

"Yeah." Jude nodded, her eyes on focused on the gun in her assistants hand. "Megan, leave, now."

But it was too late for Jude to give her that chance, the commotion and shouting had brought in the security guards.

She watched shocked as they pulled Megan out of the bathroom, her hands behind her back, and they approached them slowly, just as aware of the gun in Gwen's hand as Jude was.

"It's okay." Gwen said, holding the gun out, the bullets sounded loud as they hit the floor, and she handed them to gun. "I'm her body guard." She was reaching into her purse, pulling out papers, ones that Jude had never seen before.

"What?" Jude asked looking at her, unsure of what the girl had just said. She wanted to think she had heard her wrong, that her mind was playing tricks on her. Body guard? Gwen wasn't any bigger than Jude herself, there was no way she could protect her from anything. "She's my assistant."

She watched as the man looked at the papers before handing them back.

"I don't, I don't understand." Jude said, pushing her hair back, out of her face, looking at Gwen, waiting for answers.

"Are you okay?" Gwen asked, reaching out to pat Jude's shoulder, but Jude stepped back, out of her reach.

"I had a back ground check done, you went to Durham, you studied psychology." Jude couldn't understand, she didn't know how she hadn't known this. What had just happened?

"Sociology, actually." Gwen smiled softly. "It's a long story, not one we should have here."

"Jude, what happened?" Sadie said coming into the bathroom, pushing her way through the guards, the lawyer and SME behind her.

"Megan cornered her in the bathroom, but things are fine." Gwen said quickly. "We should get her home, I don't think she's up for anymore today."

"Megan is being held, they have to reschedule for another day." The Lawyer announced. "Go home, rest, I'll call you with more details later."

Jude linked her arm with Sadie quickly, holding to her tightly. She wasn't sure what had just happened, what information she had just learned, but she knew it wasn't what she had expected.


	16. Tommy's Door

I needed a pick-me-up of some Tommy love, so I though everyone else could use some too. Sorry it's so short. But my goal is to have this story finished this week because I'm leaving for New York on Thursday for the rest of summer.

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><p>Jude waited outside the door, pushing the buzzer again, before knocking hard. She had needed to escape, and when she had run from the house, she hadn't had anywhere in mind, she just knew she couldn't sit there and listen to Gwen any longer, she couldn't hear anymore lies. She had the shadow of Big Lou close by.<p>

"Jude?" Tommy asked, opening the door, and looking down the side walk. "What's wrong, what happened?" he knew that face, he knew she was upset.

Jude looked down at her hands and suddenly felt stupid. Showing up in front of him in a white dress must seem like some twisted joke, some cruel form of punishment, like she hadn't already put him through enough. "I don't-I just." She didn't know what to say, and she could feel herself getting hot from embarrassment. What was she thinking doing here? She could feel the hot tears burning her eyes. She had done so well at pushing him away, the one person she needed when everything else started to fall apart.

"Jude." Tommy's voice was softer, filled with concern.

That was all it took for her to break, a sob escaped her mouth before she could contain it, and his arms pulled her inside the building, out of the cold night air. Her body was shaking from her sobs, and his arms were wrapped gently around her shoulders, as he hushed her softly. This was the only place she wanted to be, the only place that made everything feel better.

"It's okay." He soothed her, holding her to him.

"Megan and Gwen." She hiccuped, shaking her head, her face still pressed against his shoulder. His smell was comforting enough for her.

"Megan, Jude what happened?" he asked, pulling her back slightly to look at her. He searched her face for any signs of violence, but she looked just as she had that morning.

"She cornered me in the bathroom." Jude shook her head, that wasn't what had her so upset. Gwen had been lying to her for weeks. Nicola, and everyone in her life in London had been lying to her. They had all known what Gwen was, who she was.

"What?" Anger was quick in Tommy's voice. "Where was Sadie and Gwen, why were you alone? I knew I should have been there."

"Gwen, she's not an assistant." Jude sighed, looking back at him, his blue eyes were still the most captivating things she had seen. "She came in, with a gun, she's been lying to me." She could feel another sob rising up in her throat, and she didn't have the strength or the will to suppress it. Just as it escaped her mouth, she felt Tommy pulling her back to him, his hands pressing her close to him.

"Jude." He whispered, "It's okay, you're okay."

But was she really okay? She had been lying to herself and everyone else for months now. She wasn't happy in London, and she had known that for a long time now. But ever since she had been back, she knew that she wasn't really happy in Toronto either. Maybe that feeling of happiness was gone, lost among so many other things. Or maybe she had left it behind, left it with the one thing she wanted most.


	17. Ninja

She stood in the rehearsal space, gladly accepting a cup of coffee Speid offered her. It was mid afternoon, but she could still feel her body fighting off sleep. Her mind fighting off everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

"So, she's like a real life ninja." Speid whispered, his eyes focused on Gwen, who was stretched out on a yoga mat, moving to what they could only guess was the sound of her own breathing.

"Yeah, pretty much." Jude said nodding, holding the mug close to her mouth, feeling the warmth, breathing in the sweet smell.

"This is so cool, you're friend is a ninja." Kyle said from behind them. They were all standing there watching her. Jude had relived what had happened the day before, the parts that they had missed, the betray, only leaving out all parts concerning Tommy.

"She's not my friend, she lied to me." Jude was annoyed. She didn't want them to keep making jokes about this. She already felt like a big enough joke, and it hurt to watch her friends turn it into a joke as well.

"Dude, she saved you." Speid said patting her on the back.

"She's so your friend." Kyle rolled his eyes. "Otherwise she wouldn't be allowed in here."

"You're ninja friend." Speid laughed, making ninja like movements, kicking the air in front of them.

"Ninja means spy in Japanese, I'm not a spy." Gwen said, her eyes still closed, bringing her hands down slowly in front of her.

"Just a liar." Jude said giving her a fake smile.

"Get over it already." Gwen's eyes opened and she sent not pity or sorry look towards Jude. "You and I both know, if you were that mad at me, you would have sent me back by now."

"I feel a cat fight coming." Kyle whispered.

"Think we have time to get the jello?" Wally asked.

"I have no say in what you do, what my label does." Jude rolled her eyes at Wally's remark. She didn't want her there, she didn't need her, but her label was the one that was paying the bills.

"You have a say Jude, I don't work for them, I work for you, I'm here for you." Gwen reminded her. "If you truly want me gone, then I will leave. But just know, the only thing I lied to you about was the fact that I could kick your ass."

"Yeah, that's all you lied about." Jude huffed. Why couldn't they see, why didn't they understand? Trust was the most important thing to Jude, after what Megan put her through, trust was everything, and Gwen was broken that trust, and Jude wasn't sure if she even wanted to try and trust her again. "I'm going for a walk." She said taking a step towards the door, stopping when she saw Gwen move in her direction. "Alone!" she glared back at her.

"Don't worry, she'll cool down, and all will be forgiven." Spiederman comforted the girl as Jude left the rehearsal space.


	18. HidenSeek

"You've got to come up with some better hiding places." Tommy said as he slipped into the chair across from Jude.

It was the restaurant neither of them really wanted to be in, but the only places that felt right. It was the places they should have had their first date, and the place they had their last one, they one where Tommy proposed.

"I'm not hiding." Jude said as she tore her bread stick into small pieces, throwing it on her plate.

"Taking off, not telling anyone where you're going, that's hiding in my book." Tommy smiled at her softly.

"Did Speid call you?" Jude wondered. She knew that Gwen wouldn't do this, she would just find her herself, and Sadie was too busy to know.

"I called him, I wanted to see how you were doing." He turned the glass of water the waiter poured him. "How you holding up?"

"Calling to check up on me?" she wanted to laugh. She felt touched that he was doing that, but at the same time annoyed. She had left him, she had embarrassed him, and yet he still cared about her. Even that morning she had slipped out of his house without even waking him.

"I know you Harrison, you're beating yourself up over everything." He titled his head and gave her that smile, the one that made her heart speed up and slow down at the same time.

"She lied to me, I can't just forgive something like that." Jude muttered, rolling her eyes. She had forgotten how well he knew her, how well he could read her.

"You already have." He smiled, with a soft chuckle. "And I'm more concerned about the other things you're stressing over."

"What things?" she asked, she wanted to know if he would say it, if he would admit to what had happened.

"We can start with Megan and end with last night." Tommy leaned back. "I'm not going to pressure you to talk about anything, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"You sitting here isn't pressure?" she mumbled. "I don't want to be here, I don't want to drag everyone through this, Megan included." She sighed, she knew that he would listen. "She did something wrong, but why do I have to put everyone through a trail? She admitted to doing it, so what's the point? I really just want to forget the whole thing and move on. All of this is just putting more focus on me as a person, not an artist."

"Then don't do it." He shrugged.

"Don't you think I've tried?" she asked.

"Jude, you try to please everyone you care about, I'm sure all it took was Sadie telling you it had to be done, and that was that." Tommy laughed again. "Just tell the lawyer you don't want to go through this, that you won't say anything on the stand."

"Or I could just go back home." Jude wrapped her arms around her chest, hugging herself. She didn't think about her words, or how they would change the mood between the two of them, but she noticed when it did. When Tommy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, losing his smile. "I mean back to London." She whispered.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Tommy, last night." She had to stop herself, looking around the small restaurant, people taking sideways glances at the two of them, the small group of photographers outside. This wasn't a conversation she had planned on having so soon, she had wanted more time to think about, more time for her actions to skin in.

"Should we call it your sixteenth birthday all over again?" he asked, not looking at her.

Her sixteenth birthday was one of the many birthdays she wished she could forget and remember at the same time. She had shared her first real kiss with Tommy that night, and it had been amazing and perfect in every way, until he made her promise that it had never happened. But now, she wasn't sure if she could say the same thing about last night, last night wasn't just a kiss, it wasn't a mistake.

"I can't pretend it didn't happen." She said wishing her would look her in the eye, but even saying that didn't change anything, his eyes were still focused on the rim of the sweating glass.

"But it doesn't change anything." He whispered, being able to finish the unspoken words.

She knew he was right, it didn't change anything. She would still go back to London, and find her own life as a rock star, have her own adventures and live like music. "I'm nineteen." She whispered.

"I know." He nodded. "Trust me, I know." This time looking up at her, showing her all the pain he had been hiding. "I would have let you go, the first time, I would have kissed you good bye and promised to come and visit you."

"And I can't keep you waiting for me." Jude gave him a sad smile, she could feel the tears sting her eyes as she pictured it all in her head. "It wouldn't be fair to either of us Tom."

"Tom?" he laughed sadly, she never called him that. "I would wait for you until I'm grey if I needed to."

She knew that too, and it was hard to admit it, but she wanted him to wait her. It made her selfish to think that way, to wish for that, but she couldn't help it. With Tommy she wanted to be selfish, she wanted to keep him all to herself, but she couldn't do that to him. She wanted him to be happy, and she knew that she couldn't give him what he wanted, so all she could do was to let him go, yet again. "But I don't want you to." She whispered her lie, turning away from him, hiding her eyes. She sat there only for a moment longer before it became too much. It was heart breaking to leave him there.


	19. Friendly Advice

Okay guys, this is all I've got. I've hit a wall, a large brick wall and I'm not taking my computer with me on vacation. So maybe this will give me a chance to find some inspiration, and sort things out. I have no idea anymore where this story is going, which for me is strange because I normally start at the end of the story and fill in the blanks. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their summer, and if you have any suggestions on what to do in Boston or NYC, please let me know!

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><p>"Of all the advice I have given you, why do you never listen?" Jamie laughed as Jude explained her newest complication.<p>

"What are you talking about?" Jude asked, unsure of what he had meant. She always tried to listen to his advice, even if she couldn't follow it.

"When we first entered G Major, like a hundred years ago, do you remember what I told you?" he asked.

Jude shook her head.

"I told you not to change, and not to let them change you." Jamie looked back in the recording booth, giving the girl a thumbs that. "Look at you Jude, I've watched this business change you over the years, but high heels, and a skirt?"

"You're going to complain about what I'm wearing?" Jude huffed, her mouth falling open. She couldn't believe that was all her friend seemed to care about at the moment.

"It's just one example of the advice I have given you over the years, something else you didn't listen to." Jamie rolled his eyes are her.

"Okay, fine, what other advice have I not taken?" Jude asked, crossing her arms in front of her, crossing her ankles, and tucking them under her chair.

"I told you this, the night before you left. "Jamie shook his head, watching as the girl in the bathroom studio sang. "He really does care about you, and you keep throwing it back in his face."

"Jamie, I can't marry him, I can't marry anyone right now." Jude was annoyed. She had thought that Jamie would understand, that she could go there and feel some of his dislike towards Tommy, but it wasn't working, all she was getting was sympathy for him instead.

"Did he say he wanted you marry you right away?" Jamie asked, leaning forward and turning a knob slightly on the sound board.

"No." Jude snapped back. That wasn't the point.

"Then what's the problem?" Jamie asked, finally turning to look at her. "You guys spent so long getting to this point, being able to trust each other enough, to finally be together. But then, as soon as he wants to take the next step you bolt, and I literally mean bolt. You didn't even explain anything to the guy, you announced it to the whole world instead."

"Jamie, I didn't leave because I didn't love him, I left because it wasn't where my head was, because I wasn't ready." Jude sighed. "You encouraged me to leave!"

"I did no such thing!" he snapped back at her, looking back at the girl and holding up a finger, singling for her to wait. Their conversation was getting more heated. "I told you to do what you thought was right, and I figured that would be staying with Tommy, even if it meant he had to stay here, with you over there. I never in a million years would have thought you would have given up everything you and Tommy had worked towards. The two of you almost ruined our friendship, let alone look at what it did to you and Sadie, not to mention Kat."

"You and I ruined my friendship with Kat." Jude reminded him. "And what should I have done, told him to stay here and wait for me? What would have happened if I went over there, fell in love, and never wanted to come back?"

"He would have come to you." Jamie shrugged. "I'm honestly surprised he didn't in these last few months."

"I can't make him wait for me Jamie, it isn't fair." Jude leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees.

"Don't you think that should be a decision he makes?" Jamie asked.

She knew that her friend was right, everything he said was right, but she didn't want to admit it. She did run away from Tommy, even if she had done it without realizing it, that's what it was. He had broken her heart so many times before, and she had always been so trusting with him. But the last time, it had not only compromised her career, but her life. She knew that she couldn't live without him, but she also knew she couldn't live with him. When he had wanted to make things more real, permanent real, she was excited at first, but with the few hours she had to think about it, she knew the doubts in her mind and the talk from her sister, were more than enough to make her run.


	20. No Name

Well dear heavens I am one lucky girl. I have managed to avoid but the earthquake in Japan as well as earthquake and hurricane back east. I was scheduled to leave for Japan the day after the earthquake, and I came back two days before the earthquake in New York. What craziness this all is! I am not sure if I am blessed or cursed, but I will take either at the moment.

Even though I did no get much inspiration for Instant Star while walking around Boston and NYC, I did feel the need to write something before it has been so long. So I am sorry if it sucks. It is sort of two different parts that I just strung together, and I don't really know how well they mesh. But it'll work. I hope that everyone is having an amazing summer! And if you are back east that you are safe, with power and not flooded!

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><p>Jude dribbled the ball slowly. She tried to keep her mind on the ball, to keep her hand just above where it would bounce back up, so she could slap it back down. It was funny, as soon as the orange ball came into contact with her hand, she would slap it back down, forcing it back to the ground, but she always knew that it was only a matter of seconds before it would bounce back up, with just as much force and power. She was never much a joke in school, but now, she couldn't help but laugh as she tried to compare herself to that ball. No matter what she did, as long as the ball had air, it would always bounce back. That thought made her smile.<p>

But with the sound of approaching steps, Jude lost her concentration on the ball, and watched as it rolled away, stopping in front of the plain white heels.

"Checking on me?" Jude asked, rolling her eyes.

"More like coming back." Gwen said picking up the ball. "It takes a lot of skill to do this in heels, I'm rather impressed." Jude knew that she was being sincere, but she still felt the sting of the lie.

Jude gave a huff as a response.

"I take it Tommy found you."

Jude raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know?"

"You've got that look." Gwen said motioning to Jude's face, with the basketball tucked under her free arm. "That far away, almost happy look, you always get it when you're thinking about him."

"There is no look." Jude said turning around, feeling her face run red. She couldn't be sure, all she could do was try and sound confident. When she had left for London, she knew that it was going to be hard, but she had always assumed that things would get easier, that being away would be easier. But time didn't seem to heal everything. Her fear of Megan was something that she was still dealing with, as was Tommy, but she had learned how to play the game, she had learned to act.

"Jude, everyone else might buy that, but I was trained to notice these things, it's a part of the job." Gwen's laugh was forced and Jude knew that it made her uncomfortable. "I know you don't like it, and you feel like I am some bad guy, but I'm not."

"But you kind of are." Jude said turning around. This conversation was something she wanted to put off, something else she wished she could sweep under the rug and not deal with. "I let you into my life, I trusted you with information that I hardly even share with my sister!"

"And not once have I betrayed that trust!" Gwen snapped back, taking a step closer to her. "Jude, for you I was your assistant, your friend, for your label I was there to watch over you through all of this. You can view it was lying, but in reality, I haven't done anything wrong."

"You lied."

"What and you've never lied a day in your life?" Gwen laughed, rolling her eyes.

Jude studied the girls face, she didn't understand what she meant. But before she had the chance to ask, her phone started to ring.

"So sorry, I have to take this." Gwen said allowing the ball to fall and slowly bounce away.

Jude stood, watching as the ball bounced out into the street, coming to rest by a parked car. As she made her way to get it, she could hear Gwen's voice trailing out of the upstairs window.

"She's mad Nicola, really mad." Gwen sighed from somewhere inside the Harrison home. "Maybe it's time I just come home, she doesn't need me here, adding to her stress."

Jude worked her way closer to the open window. She knew that it was wrong to listen in to the conversation, but she couldn't help herself.

"Talk to her?" she laughed, "Have you ever tried talking with one of your artists when they are pissed with you, I'm lucky I've made it this long with my head still attached."

Jude knew that part was true, she was lucky that Jude had other things on her mind. She knew that Tommy was right, she had already gotten over the whole Gwen thing, and even the Megan thing had seemed to fix itself, or at least Jude had finally just decided to end it.

"Are you kidding me? She's a spoiled brat, I love the girl to death, she's amazing, but I'm not going to try and kiss her ars when I've been saving her ars since she got here. She had no bloody idea the danger she puts herself in."

Spoiled? Did she really think that she was spoiled, she was anything but spoiled, who would spoil her?

"Nicola, I don't care how much you love my mother, I'm done, book my ticket home. There is no point in me staying where I'm not wanted." Gwen snapped back. "Not London home, Ireland, I told you I needed to go see grandma when this was over."

Jude tired to listen closer, she hadn't knowing Nicola and Gwen to ever speak to each other, unless it was regarding something Jude needed to do.

"Yes, yes, you're the best aunty in the world." The girl sighed, "Of course I will tell her, I will go over things with Sadie, make sure everything is lined up with that Lou bloke. I know how to do my job thank you." .

She couldn't help but wonder about the people that had been laughing at her behind her back, all the people that knew about Gwen, about her relation to Nicola, about all the lies that Jude had so easily believed. She had never thought that she was such a gullible person, but now she knew she must be. To believe so much, in such a short time, it seemed impossible, but she was living the reality, and it sucked.


	21. The Truth

"You're leaving?" she asked Gwen later that night as the three girls sat around the dinner table.

"I see no point in staying where I'm not wanted." Gwen didn't bother to look up at her. "You're behavior has made it clear, and I've got other things I need to tend to."

"Yeah, like your aunt?" Jude folded her arms in front of her. There was no point in her having any secrets now.

"Listening to my conversations isn't polite." Gwen sighed looking up at her. "But no, if you must know, my grandmother just turned 88 and I thought it would be nice of one of her grandchildren came to visit, since her children never do."

"You're just going to leave?" Sadie asked.

"There is no point in staying. Plus Jude will be leaving in a few days as well." Gwen replied folding her arms in front of her, to mimic Jude's position. If she wanted to play dirty, she would.

"Leaving?" Sadie choked on her wine. "The trail isn't over."

Jude shot Gwen an annoyed glance before turning towards her sister. "I don't want to do this anymore. What happened, it sucked, majorly. But I don't want to keep reliving it."

"Jude, you can't run away from this. You have to do what's right. You can't just let her get away with it." Sadie shouted in her best motherly voice.

"Do what's right for who Sadie? For you?" Jude asked. "Because this isn't what's right for me. This isn't even what I wanted!"

"Of course it is!" Sadie shouted back.

"No, Sadie, it's not. You're not even listening to me, that's why you don't get it. I don't want to deal with Megan anymore. This could have all been settled out of the court room, this could have been taken care of with me in London, where I belong." Jude shouted, standing up.

"Where you belong?" Gwen laughed. It had been easy for everyone at the label to see Jude's discomfort there. Even though her music was good, it wasn't mind blowing. It had been lacking a certain ingredient, and it was easy for Gwen to now see what that was.

"What?" Jude asked, she had almost forgotten that Gwen was sitting there as well.

"Where you belong Jude, you think that's where you belong." The girl shook her head as she rose from the table, tossing her napkin down. "You aren't anymore happy in London than you are sitting in this house. You are mad at me for lying. But you should be mad at yourself, because you've been hiding behind some fake idea for far too long."

"You're not happy in London?" Sadie asked.

"I-" Jude wasn't sure how to answer that question. She had always been so sure that she had hidden her feelings well. She had loved London, she loved everything about it. But it didn't make her happy to be there, to be so far away from everything else. She felt disconnected from her life, from reality. "I'm fine in London."

"I have to pack, I don't have time to listen to anymore lies." Gwen rolled her eyes before leaving the sisters.

"Jude?" Sadie asked, as the two girls sunk back into their chairs.

"I don't know Sadie, I just don't know anymore." Jude sighed, hiding her face from her sister.

"I don't understand." Sadie was confused.

Jude brushed away a single tear as she looked at her sister. She had wanted to tell her so many times, she had wanted to confide in her the way she had before, but now Sadie was always busy. Even now Jude could hear her phone vibrating, and she could see Sadie struggle to not answer it. She had been consumed by work the moment Jude had left, and Jude didn't feel like she could tell her what she needed too, like she could talk to her in the same way.

"It's just taking time to adjust; it's nothing to worry about." Jude said, giving her the permission she needed to scramble from her seat to answer her phone. That left Jude sitting alone at her family dinner table, staring down at the half eaten meal, with the words that had been spoken still hanging in the air.

She knew that London didn't fit her right, and at first she had always put it off on that fact that she was dealing with the change, starting over almost. But time went by, and nothing changed. She didn't feel any more at home. She could feel her heart screaming at her, telling her what she needed, but her mind was stubborn. She wanted to make London work.


	22. Clear As Mud Pie

Thank you to you wonderful people that reviewed! Sometimes all it takes is a review to give me the inspiration I need to finish up a thought. So keep them coming!

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><p>"You're pouting." Gwen said leaning on the door frame.<p>

Jude jumped at the sound of her voice. She hadn't heard her walk down the hallway, and she hadn't felt anyone watching her. "I'm thinking."

"You're pouting, stop chewing on your lip and I'll believe that you're thinking." Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Jude, you need to stop." Gwen said placing her hands on her shoulders, pushing her down onto the bed. "You over think everything, and I mean everything. You left Toronto, why? So you could make more music, so you could be a rock star. But you left Tommy why? Because someone told you he was crutch, because someone planted the idea in your head that you needed him by you in order to do the things you wanted to do. You left Tommy because you wanted to prove that you could stand on your own two feet, right?"

Jude simply nodded her head, staring at her with teary eyes. "Everything in my head, all of it is as clear as mud. I just don't understand anymore. I use to have such a clear picture of what I wanted. I wanted to stand on my own feet, I wanted to be a rock star, I still want all of that. But now, it just all seems so different, I can't even explain it."

"But did you ever stop to think about all the times you stood on your own feet, with Tommy around? He wasn't there during your first tour, he didn't hold your hand through ever press conference, every interview, photo shoot, or show. You did those yourself. You go out in front of hundreds of fans and face them, while he stays tucked away. The only time he had held your hand, is when you have let him, when you two are locked away making music."

"But I need to make music without him! Every song I have ever written he has helped me with, he has changed it, made it better. I haven't' been able to do anything without him. He was so much more than just a producer, he was my inspiration, my co-writer, my friend. I have to learn to do everything without him" she protested.

"And you have, you've done it for three months now, and you've done it before. You don't have anything to prove Jude, because anyone that has been in your shoes knows."

"Knows?"

"They know how hard it is to be where you are." Gwen smiled at her. "The Beatles wrote it, I've heard you sing it, all you need is love."

"I have to be strong on my own." Jude sighed.

"And you have been, you're one of the strongest woman I have ever met." Gwen gave her a soft smile. "This isn't just about love Jude, you could stay away from him and fall in and out of love twenty more times, it's about the passion. You have something in your life that keeps your passion alive, your passion for more than just work, for life. It doesn't make you weak to admit that he is it, it would make you weak if you couldn't admit it. Jude you found something that most people are going to spend the rest of their lives searching for, something others would die for. And no I'm not talking about Boyz Attack merchandise."

Jude gave her a smile, she understood what Gwen was telling her, it was easier to listen to her than the people she had known her whole life, because Gwen seemed to understand all of her, who she was with her music and who she was outside of the studio.

"I just, I don't know." Jude sigh, tugging at her hair, like pulling on it would make everything in her mind more clear, everything in her heart make sense.

"You're nineteen, you don't have to know anything." Gwen smiled. "For heaven sakes, when I was nineteen I was so sure I wanted to get married and have kids. No one expects you to make a lifelong decision at this age, or any age for that matter."

"Have you meet my family?" Jude raised an eyebrow at her. She knew that everything she did her mother would complain, because it could cost her the future, and Sadie would second guess every decision, and her father, oh he could just see the look he would give her.

"They will support you, no matter what you want." Gwen smiled and gave her a soft pat on the shoulder. "He's downstairs, by the way."

"My dad?" she had assumed that Gwen could just read her mind.

"No, Tommy." Gwen shook her head. "I think Sadie called him, be he's been eyeing the stair case since he got here."

"I slept with you." Jude quickly whispered. She had told anyone that yet, she hadn't had the time to tell anyone.

"What?" Gwen asked, sitting on the bed next to her, reaching for a pillow. Jude's drama was always interesting.

"Last night, that's where I went when I left here. I showed up at his place, and it just happened. He was comforting me, and tried to stop so many times, but I didn't want him to." Jude hid her face, knowing it was beat red from her embarrassment.

"Bloody hell." Gwen shook her head with her mouth slightly open. "No wonder the poor bloke looks ready to bolt."

"Then, I told him it doesn't change things." She whispered.

"Does it?" Gwen asked.

Jude bit on her lip. She could hear her conversation with Jamie playing in her mind, his confusion about her leaving him before so carelessly. And then Gwen's words, about how it was okay for her to want him, because she really had nothing to prove. But at the same time, she could see Sadie's face, judging her. As she pushed the heel of her hands into her temples, and scrunched her eyes tight, trying to get rid of the noise in her head, one simple face appeared, with startling clear blue eyes. And even though everything in her life still seemed so uncertain, she finally saw a clear picture.


	23. Home At Last

They sat in the Harrison living room with silence sitting between them. There was so much that Jude wanted to say, so many things she needed to say, but she couldn't find the right words. And with the way Tommy was looking at her, it made it hard to think straight.

"Sadie said that you're dropping the case." Tommy finally broke the air between them.

"Yeah, it's time." Jude shrugged. "She wasn't very happy, but this is about me, not her."

"She'll come around, you know how she is." Tommy smiled.

Jude wanted to laugh, of course she knew how she was. Jude had lived with her most of her life, they were blood. "Yeah, once she has something else to worry about."

"Work will keep her busy, Darius will keep her busy." He added cringing at the idea of Sadie and Darius.

"That's just too weird for me to think about." Jude said shaking her head, wishing the imagines would fly from her mind. She knew that her sister proclaimed that nothing was going on between them. But Jude remembered Darius at her bowling party, sending Big Lou to watch out for her. It had Sadie written over it.

"You wanna get out of here?" Tommy asked.

"And go where?" she questioned back, leaning forward with a smile. She knew that she would willingly go anywhere with him.

"Don't you trust me anymore?" he almost laughed.

"More than I should Quincy." Jude laughed, standing up leaning the way out of the house. She smiled up the stairs at Gwen before following Tommy out of the house. "So now you wanna tell me where we're going?"

"Back to the beginning." He smiled opening the door for her.

"Wow, when did you become such a gentlemen?" she teased before sliding into the blue viper. She had missed the car almost as much as she missed him. The way it smelled seemed to bring back memories that she had long filed away. She could see herself as a red head sitting in the driver's seat, her cheeks burning from the embarrassment. It was the first car that she got to drive, the first time that she felt like things with Tommy were really different.

"I've always been this nice, I only use it on VIPs." He laughed closing her door.

"Glad to know I'm that important." Jude smiled at him as he slid into his seat.

"You're the most important." Even in the dark she knew he was using all his charm and that smile, the one he saved for her. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach.

They both sat in silence as Tommy drove them out of the neighborhoods and into the city. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that sat between them. Neither of them felt the need to fill the car with simple chatter. They would often catch each other stealing glances, and turn away embarrassed at being caught.

"Keep your eyes on the road Quincy." Jude laughed.

"Keep yours off me, Harrison." He smiled back at her.

"That ego of yours." She shook her head. "I swear it's only gotten bigger."

"I've got to keep up with you." He joked.

"My ego has never been as big as yours." she smiled as he pulled the car into a parking lot, on that was far to familiar. "G Major?" she asked. This was the last place she wanted to go.

"I said we were going back." Tommy whispered.

"Back to what?" she wondered as they both got out of the car.

Tommy stood watching her as she adjusted her skirt.

"To the place I first fell in love with you." He said taking her hand.

His words made her head pop up as he pulled her towards the alleyway. She had to hurry to keep up with him, while her mind raced to understand what he had said to her.

The building was dark as they made their way through the back entrance. But the feel and the smell of the building was just the way Jude remembered it. It was just as spooky as the night her and Spied snuck in to save Patsy's remains. But this time she felt safer, knowing that it was Tommy's hand she was holding on to.

"I don't understand." Jude said when he let go of her inside studio A, it was the studio they hardly used. Sometime during their time together they had both taken a liking to studio B, it was bigger than had a more homey feeling to it. Studio A was the one they used on her first album.

"This is the first place I ever heard you sing." Tommy smiled at her as he made his way around the small booth.

"You mean the first time you ever tore apart one of my songs." She remembered the day he was thinking of. It was her first day at G Major, with everyone was standing behind the sound board, watching her, as though they were waiting to see if she would sink or swim.

"Yeah, the place I first knew you were more than just some singer." Tommy smiled at her. "The way to stood there, at first I wasn't sure if you were going to mash the glass, or break down in tears. But Andrews came in and took you away before I could see what would have happened."

"That was the day he told me not to change. "Jude had just talked to him a few hours ago about that.

"He did realize that you couldn't change, just that you could grow." Tommy sighed. "You've come so far since that day girl. I am so proud of everything you've done."

"Tommy," Jude sighed. She knew where this was going, what was coming. She wanted to stop it because she was scared, she was scared of admitting what she wanted, but it was like Gwen had said, she was only weak if she couldn't admit the truth.

"No, you don't want to say anything, I just wanted to come back here with you." He whispered, stepping closer to her, taking both of her hands and lacing their fingers together.

"But I want to say something, I want to say a lot of things." Jude said quickly, knowing that he was try and stop her. "Tommy when I left it was because I thought you had always been holding my hand, because I've always had you there to support me. But just because I have your support doesn't mean you're holding my hand. All of this, the whole rock star thing, I've done this by myself, but…" she wasn't sure if she could say it.

"But what?" she could hear his voice shake.

"But doing this without you isn't what I want." She whispered. "I love you Tommy Q." she pushed her lips against his, and suddenly felt like she was finally at home. Ever since she had left Toronto she had been searching for that feeling, the one of safety of comfort, and now she knew why she hadn't found it. She had left it behind.


	24. Just a note

I could ramble off a million excuses for being gone for so long, but they would just be excuses, and someone once told me that adults don't make excuses. Therefore, I am sorry. I should have said this before, but THE END. I lost my way this with story. It took on a life of its own, and went in a different direction that I had in mind. So from where I sit, with the keyboard in front of me, I am closing this story up. Maybe sometime in the future I will figure it out, find the missing parts, do a re-write, something. But for now, its done. So thank you for sticking with me.

I also have no stories coming up. I know, this is a bummer for anyone that's like me and checks back here weekly looking for something to read. I've got a few ideas bouncing around, I just need to find the right inspiration to do anything with them. So until then, go buy the Alexz Johsnon album, listen to some good music, and remind everyone that you love them.


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